Turning Point (A.I.)

chapter 17- cool

the start of school always makes me wallow myself back into the whole of depression. people are pricks and i want to ditch every class most of the days. also, i am missing something and that happens to be aunt flow. you can't get pregnant your first time right? my period has always been funky and off so i have nothing to worry about. it's just the anxiety talking, right? it is. i'm doubting myself and i've never been more scared in my whole life.

i walk into school with the bravest face in that i could pull out and i'm thinking that it might just work. so far, nothing has been said to me, but i've been in school for five minutes. wearing all black makes it harder for people to talk to you, right? well, i damn hope so because that's what i'm wearing. i look at my schedule and find the number for my new locker which hopefully will be in a good spot for the classes i have. i place some small things inside my locker including some pictures and one of them happens to be one with ashton.

it was from one of our final nights at camp, we were dancing and singing around the campfire while our campers were laughing and trying to join in. i can remember that night so clearly, it was the night after our date. there was only three days of camp afterwards and then school started that monday or known as today. i miss ashton, but i'll see him soon. we planned on meeting in a week and a half after school started. we text non-stop, but i miss having him next to me everyday.

"hey, brin! looks like you gained some weight, are you pregnant?" a boy named jake, rips my ear buds out. well i might be, i think silently.

"go chomp on asshole hairs, jake, your jokes aren't funny," i say rolling my eyes. jake was the first bully i ever had, then owen stood up for me, but when he left, he started up again with his friends.

"little brin standing for herself? did she finally learn how to speak?" that was another thing... i never speak unless i have to. i attempt to go through life undetected, but it never works out in my favor.

"go shove a cactus up your asshole," i look him in the eye.

"you think this new brin is all tough and shit, right? well let me tell you one thing, you're not shit, brin, you're nothing here. why don't you just disappear?" he whispers as he takes a step towards me and that's also when i noticed that there was a small crowd around us.

"i couldn't just disappear because that would mean you'd have no one as your punching bag when you get upset. just because you're mommy's little boy doesn't mean you get everything you want, jake. wake up call, mommy doesn't want you living with her your entire life." i mutter with disgust seeping through.

"why my mom? why do you have to bring her into this?" he questions with an appalled look on his face.

"because you've brought my little brother into this before and quite frankly, i'm sick of your shit." i push past towards my first class with small claps and whistles heard behind me. glad to know people care about fights, but couldn't say anything.

my first class happened to be english which was my favorite subject in the whole world. i loved writing and bringing my own twist into things. not many people knew what happened to me when i was younger so i could write about it in the most discreet ways.

everybody was standing along the side of the classroom since we didn't have assigned seats and were waiting for the teacher. everybody except me was making small talk with friends they haven't seen in a while and i just stood there. sure, they weren't bad people, but i didn't feel like talking to them at all. i felt uncomfortable standing there and not talking to anyone, but what else was i going to do? oh yeah, that's right, nothing. minutes pass and finally the teacher steps into the classroom and puts everyone in their seats for the last year of high school.

"welcome to english 4 ap. it'll be a tough year for some of you, but others it'll be a breeze. i hope you're going to enjoy this year as much as i do," the teacher, mr. carolin, smiles.

moments of complete silence filled the atmosphere making it the most awkward thing in the whole wide world. i was towards the back of the room so i could see everyone just staring towards the front as our teacher fiddled around with his papers. he starts to pass a paper out and once it gets to me i realize it's one of those 'get to know you' papers. i silently groan as i take out a pencil and start to fill out the dumbass paper.

i finish the paper and look down to read things over and that's the moment i realize i spilled my guts on to this paper. all of my fears and regrets were staring me back in the eye and i feel sick. why did i do this? what was the purpose of this paper? i read over all of the lines and finally get to the last one and i feel the need to puke.

i walk up to the teacher as fast as i can and ask to use the bathroom. as soon as i hear him say the slightest yes, i run out the door and straight to the bathroom. i get into the stall and fall to the ground and let my insides fester in the toilet. it was the most disgusting smell in the whole world which made me want to puke even more.

i wipe my mouth and shakily stand up to go the sinks. i wash my hands slowly and attempt to get water into my mouth. i dry my hands and go as slow as i can back to my classroom. it was the most agonizing walk in my whole entire life. i didn't want to face the embarrassment to come within entering that door again. i grab the door handle and see my teacher rush over to me. he pulls me back outside with a face of concern and starts to pester me with questions.

"what happened back there? why did you run so quickly? are you okay?" he asks all at once.

"i'm okay." i say softly.

"are you sure?"

i nod and make a small noise before trying to take a step back into the classroom.

"we collected your paper, too." i hear him say from behind me and i whip around so fast.

"what? i was too personal on that paper! can i please have it back and change some answers," i practically beg.

"i'm afraid not, brin."

"please, sir, i'll do anything. i just want to change one answer." i plead.

"if it's just one answer then it'll be okay. c'mon i have a class to teach." he says and makes me follow him inside.

i walk back to my seat with my head spinning and full of shame. i sit down and just stare at my shaking hands as i remember what i wrote down.

'i think i'm pregnant.'

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GUESS WHO SUCKS AT UPDATING
ME
GUESS WHO FUCKING LOVES SGFG
ME
GUESS WHO NEEDS A LOT OF SLEEP
ME
GUES WHO HATES SCHOOL
YOU GUESSED IT... ME
anyway I'm done chanting but that's a thing. brin just dropped bomb on everyone and this was not my original plan but it happened so!!! anyway thanks, love you lots .