Turning Point (A.I.)

chapter 25- you wanted to know part 1

sleeping has always been an escape for me. you don't feel emotions and it's almost like you're practicing to be dead. in fact, it's kind of morbid if you think about it in that way. anyway, sleeping has always been super important to me and being woken up when i'm not ready isn't the best idea in the whole world. so when ashton slowly shook my shoulder i groan and flip until i find a comfortable spot to lay my head once again.

but it comes back. the shaking, the whispering, the constant need for ashton to open my eyes so we can start the day. it is annoying, just plain and simple. i don't like it and it makes me frustrated because of the amount of sleep i need. except, i open my eyes and face ashton. we have some things to talk about today which include our pasts and i really am hoping that he'll go first.

"good morning, brin.  we would could go get some breakfast if you want... or we could just stay here and waste the morning away."  he sighs, climbing back into his bed with me.

"i'd love to waste the morning away with you, but we have some things to talk about today."  i trail off quietly.

"i know, it's just, it was so wonderful last night and i don't want to continue to fight with you," he admits as his hazel eyes pour into my soul.

"well then let's make a promise right here, right now."  i say holding out my pinky finger.

"and what will that promise be miss. brin?"  ashton smirks as we talk quietly.

"that we won't intentionally fight, if we do fight that we won't raise our voices, and we have to hear each others sides before we assume," i say with a lazy smile.

"that sounds like a marvelous idea, miss. brin," he says in a ridiculous accent while he attempts to close his finger around mine.

i pull back slightly before continuing with the promise, "but this isn't just for now.  this has to be forever because we have a child on the way.  he or she can't have shit parents before and after they're born into this world."

"i like the sound of this," and i swear that i see a soft glimmer upon his cheek that perfectly catches the sun peeking through his curtains.  

"ready to make this official the old fashioned way?"  

"for now and so forth," and with that said, his pinky clasps mine and our promise is forever and always.

"so where do we start?"  i ask.

"i guess i could take you back to the start," he says softly, like he was suddenly in pain.  he lays his head into the feather pillow and i watch his curly hair cascade like a waterfall against his forehead and the rest of the pillow.  

"where does that even begin?" 

he takes his time to answer this time.  he lifts his hand up and the tan skin hits against the sunlight and it feels like a dream.  he looks at his hands, picks slightly at his finger nails, and then places them on his chest.

"i was two when my father first left, then he was back three months later.  he got kicked out of the place he was staying and although i have zero recollection of this happening, i knew it did because of how emotionally scarred my mother became as i grew up without a father figure."  he sighs and takes another break as he stares distantly around his room.

"it changed later, when my younger sister's biological father came into the disoriented picture of just my mother and i.  the guy my mom was seeing, james, was really sweet except, he didn't want a biological child.  he was okay with me because i wasn't his actual child, he talked to me when needed, but he had no desire to strengthen our relationship.  i was okay with it though, i was seven years old by then and i just wanted to be able to say i had somewhat of a father.  in his mind, he thought of my mother and him as strictly fun and games, no sense in getting serious with another girl he would end up leaving in the future," he re-positions himself on the bed so he was sitting up more, but still facing away from me.

"when my mother fell pregnant after a long night with james, he scattered. my mom told him and he just ran and i don't even think he thought about turning around and offering a hand to help us.  i was eight when she was born and we were both left without a father, only one strong as hell mother and it took my awhile to become okay with it.  the boys at school said shitty things because i didn't have a father show up at school for some kind of father, son thing.  everything became mother, son, and sometimes baby sister."  he pauses as if he was going to say something then quickly changes his mind.

"i blamed my mother for a lot of it.  i went through a time where i spent months between michael, luke, and calum's house because they all had fathers that never left them.  i was like the odd man out because i didn't have a single father figure and i guess that's why i want to be here for the baby so bad.  i just want to be able to say i was the father that my biological father never was to me and i was never like james either.  i want to be the change in this repeating history."  he finishes off and i didn't even notice until now that he's crying.

"i'm sorry," i whisper not knowing what to say.  

"it's not your fault, you were just being born when my father left me so you couldn't have stopped him."

"but could you imagine that?" i ask, giggling slightly.

"imagine what?"  he whips his head around to question me.

"a one year old trying to stop someone from leaving his son?"  i continue to laugh.

"i swear, you're crazy."

"the best people are," i say with a crooked smile.  (MEL) 

"thank you for listening."

"it's what girlfriends are for right?"  i ask, crawling over to him.  

"right."  he says as he places his hand on my bump and then kisses me softly.

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GUESS WHO IS STILL REALLY BAD AT UPDATING????? 

YOU GUESSED IT! IT ME

anyway, peace for now