Minishaw oneshots // Miniminter + w2s <3

I miss you.

Really sad chapter warning </3 contains cutting and more. Get ready for a long chapter- (I don't know if there's any mistakes so if there is then oops)

Harry Pov
I woke up to the birds singing as they always did and I looked outside the window hoping it would be a lovely day today and not one that's filled with rain. I would love to spend a day with Simon or one of the sidemen atleast since I know them better than anyone here.

I knocked on Simon's door slowly as I had a nervous feeling in my stomach for some reason. After some knocks, I gave up as there was no answer. Not even a word to be heard.

"Why is it so quiet?" I thought to myself as I opened the door.

"What's this?" I said out loud noticing a bit of paper lying on his bed.

"Simon? You here buddy?" I called his name but still, no words escaping from his mouth.. hm weird.

The window was open in his room and the paper was just about to fly away but I stopped it quickly. Lots of words were written down and I grabbed the paper in my hands, beginning to read it.

                                Dear Sidemen..

None of you knew this but I been suffering alot. All those times where you thought I was 'so happy' well most of the times were just fake... although our moments together weren't. I been going through too much lately and I wanted to tell you one day so I could get better but it was useless anyways. Life has been a real pain, how am I supposed to live anymore? Scrolling through hate all day, feeling insecure about myself and even hating me was not what I ever wanted but it didn't stop. There was always voices in my head saying I wasn't good enough and I had to act differently. I want my old me back.. Lux told me to die yesterday aswell.. that hurt the most I gotta say. So I finally did it.. By the time you're reading this, I'll be dead and looking down at you all with a smile on my face. So here's a little something..

JJ, I'll always love you okay? You're an amazing friend to me but yet so dumb and that's why I adore you! Keep being so talented man, your music is the best. I definitely had it on 24/7 and that's no lie Ksi :) stay strong for me buddy, please be safe.

Ethan, Oh god how do I even begin with you.. Im so proud! Your weight transformation still shocked me to this day because I never knew you could do that and that's impressive. However, I love fat you and the way you are now so don't worry, if you are ever fat again just know that I won't hate it. Well I'll be looking down from heaven of course.. I wish I got the chance to do some exercises with you because boy.. I needed it. Be brave out there won't you?

Tobi, my guy. You have been the kindest person ever and I respect you so much for it. You will honestly do anything for anyone and that makes me smile! Still to this day you love apple juice, you're a weird man Tobs. I'll miss having hugs from you but hopefully Vik will be taking my place! bye..

Josh, well where do I begin.. What did I do to you? Do you hate me or something? I never hated you Josh, I just wanted to know why you said that to me because it really hurt. You aren't boring to me Josh and that's for sure. I loved playing gta with you and seeing you rage, the best moments ever. I hope you forgive me one day for whatever I did do even though I won't be here to witness that.

Vik, the cutest sidemen as a baby. Those moments you showed me with your duck was the cutest thing ever. Me and you should of taken care of one because that would be so fun. Sad that we can't now.. Keep making JJ feel bad for you okay because it's hilarious af. I love you curry boi.

Harry, oh gosh.. I'm gonna start crying even more now. I'm sorry I kept secrets from you and all the sidemen but it was mostly you. I just wanted to protect you as much as possible because you meant the world to me. I wish it was a better place so I could make you smile more. That beautiful smile and those perfect shiny teeth.. I love it. Your jokes are so extreme sometimes that people get so sensitive over it but it doesn't stop you does it? Now I'm laughing.. great Simon. I want you to promise me that you will be fine even if I can't hear you say that. Life will get better especially without me.