He (COMPLETED)

He Loved

"Condolence, Drake." Tinanguan ko lang ang pinsan ni Mama na bumati sakin bago tuluyang pumasok sa loob ng bahay para makita si Mama.

I was studying in the city, ngayon lang natanggap ng school ang leave notice na pinasa ko.

"Ilang araw na kamong nakalamay si Lene? Lima? Tapos ngayon lang naka-uwi iyang ampon niya?" rinig kong bulungan habang naglalakad ako palapit kay Mama.

"Oo. Minalas nga ata talaga sa inampon." Dugtong pa ng iba.

"Diba tatay rin niyan ang nakapatay kay Lloyd noon?" curious na tanong ng kung sino.

I stopped on my tracks. Malapit nako kay Mama pero hindi ko maihakbang ang mga paa ko papalapit. Kasi alam ko deep inside tama sila. I ruined their lives.

Papa Lloyd died with blood loss the day my father attacked us. I managed to kill my father but Mama took the blame and the court took it as self-defense. But it was not the same with me and Mama anymore. Without Papa, Mama became depressed. She tried her best not to show me pero kitang kita ko kung paano siya mangulila kay Papa. I saw how she secretly drown herself with alcohol every night just to be able to sleep.

I know seeing me reminds her of her pain. I am the living reminder of how she lost her husband. Kaya naman kahit na tinutulan niya ay mas pinili kong mag-aral sa city. I did that to help her cope with her pain. I know how Mama and Papa love me. I know they love me.

But loving me only caused them pain, suffering, and... death.

"She tried to wait for you, Drake. Bakit ngayon ka lang?" nilingon ko si Tita Lory, ang kapatid ni Mama at tipid na ngumiti sa kanya.

"Tita, do you think Mama would pass away in peace seeing the reason why she lost her husband?" tanong ko sakanya. Tita Lory's lips parted as she shook her head.

"Drake, kahit kailan ay hindi ka sinisi ng Mama mo—"

"I know, Tita." Sagot ko kasabay ng isang tipid na ngiti bago binalingan si Mama na para lang natutulog.

"It was I who blames myself. Kung hindi ako napunta sa kanila—"

"Then they won't experience the joy of being a parent, Drake." Tita Lory placed her hands on my back and comfortingly caressed my back.

"Your parents would be sad to hear you say these things. You know how much they love you, right?" I pursed my lips as I suppressed the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes.

"Don't blame yourself, Drake." Bulong ni Tita bago nagpaalam na dadaluhan ang mga bagong dating na bisita.

Lakas loob kong nilapitan ang kabaong ni Mama. She had her eyes close, the make up made her looked prettier, malayong-malayo sa itsura niya habang nagda-dialysis noon.

I touched the glass over her body and sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry, Mama." Bulong ko sa hangin, hoping that it would somehow reach her.

"Drake, do you want to come with us?" alok ni Tita Lory habang unti-unti nang nagsisi-alisan ang mga taong nakilibing.

Tiningala ko ang makulimlim na langit at umiling.

"I wanted to be alone for a while, Tita." Tita Lory stared at me for a while before nodding and consolingly tapping my shoulders.

"Okay. Don't stay out too late. Mukhang uulan pa naman," paalala niya bago siya nagpaalam kasama ang mga anak na mauuna na silang umuwi.

I watched them from afar until they finally got away. I stayed for a bit, sitting beside my foster parent's graves. I insisted for them to be laid beside each other. Alam ko ring ito ang gusto ni Mama, she had always wanted to be with Papa.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras akong nanatili doon at nakatitig lang sa pangalan nina Mama at Papa na naka-engraved sa kani-kanilang lapida. Tumayo lang ako nang maramdaman ang pag-ambon.

"I think you're asking me to leave by now?" nakangisi kong tanong.

"Then I better go," one last glance at the graves and I finally turned around and went to my car.

I was already on the road driving when the rain suddenly poured. I sighed and was about to turn on the radio when something—someone from the sidewalk caught my attention. I stopped my car a bit distant from where she was standing and was persistently hailing a cab kahit na nilalampasan lang naman siya ng mga ito.

I am a psychology student. I love to observe people and their emotions. I always liked the thought of having to know what's running on the mind of the people.

The girl was wearing a red dress, a small sling bag hangs across her body. Lumalakas ng lumalakas ang ulan hanggang sa hindi ko na siya makita ng maayos mula sa windshield. I sighed and glanced at the umbrella seated on the backseat of my car.

I contemplated a bit before finally deciding to take the umbrella and open the door of my car. Sandali ko pa muna siyang inobserbahan mula sa malayo hanggang sa makita ko ang pagsalampak niya sa sahig. And from there, I knew I was right.

The girl was crying.

Dahan dahan siyang nag-angat ng tingin nang maramdaman ang pag-tigil ng pag-basa sa kanya ng ulan dahil sa payong na dala ko. Sandali ko pa siyang tinitigan at inobserbahan bago ako tipid na ngumiti sakanya.

Mas mukha pa siyang nagluluksa kaysa akin. Did someone dear to her died too?

Tinitigan ko ang mukha niyang basang basa na ng pinaghalong luha at ulan.

No. This is not the face of a person who just lost someone.

This is a face of a person who was broken inside.

"Don't cry while raining, hindi nila makikitang nasasaktan ka dahil sa ulan," her tears just kept on falling kahit na nakatingin siya sakin. I sighed heavily before taking out my handkerchief from my pocket and gently crouched in front of her.

"The rain just hides your tears but not your pain. Pagkatapos mong itago ang mga luha mo, the pain would still be there." Ani ko habang pinupunasan ang mukha niya.

"Who are you?" tanong niya sa basag na boses.

"Drake," tipid kong sagot bago siya inalalayangtumayo mula sa pagkakasalampak sa sidewalk.