Not the One

Part 10

Lindsey lay on Stevie's chest, his arm draped around her middle, her hand slowly combing through his hair. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so at peace, which he was about to potentially ruin very soon. Before opening his big mouth, he let his eyes travel over her body, completely exposed. He enjoyed the fact that she felt so comfortable around him. He knew, she was usually self-conscious about her appearance and before going out in public, she always made sure she looked her best. He thought, she was crazy, because in his eyes, she was the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world. True, women were the ones, who unfortunately were the main subject of any gossip column if they gained a bit of weight, but it didn't matter to him one bit and he made sure, he'd compliment her every chance he got.

Tilting his chin up, Lindsey cleared his throat in hopes to get Stevie's attention. Her eyes remained closed, but he knew she wasn't sleeping.

"Steph, I'm jealous." He could have easily counted the times on his one hand, when he was so straight forward. 

Stevie's hand stilled for a second, she opened her eyes to look at him, then her fingers resumed soothing him. "I know."

"I gotta ask, okay?" Lindsey rolled over onto his front and lifted himself up, supporting his upper half on his elbows. When Stevie didn't object, he continued. "Did you have sex with Dave last night?"

Since he was being so uncharacteristically honest, Stevie thought, she was ought to tell him the truth as well. "Yes."

"Is it different, when you're with him?"

Stevie knew that she had to consider her answer to such a sensitive question. "Of course, it's different, Lindsey. It's not something you can't compare. Sure, you can say that it's better or worse, but to me it's just different. Dave and I haven't even been together for a whole year, our relationship is fresh, it's new. What he and I have is sex. It's a physical thing. But when I'm with you... whether it's rough, fast and needy or it's sweet, slow and gentle - it's always lovemaking. I love you, Lindsey. I've been in love with you for many many years. It sounds cheesy, but it's not just our bodies that are connected, I feel emotionally connected to you, like our souls become attached. I have never, will never experience anything like that with anyone else."

"Don't you love him, too?" Lindsey asked, he lay flat on his back, his head on her shoulder.

Wrapping her arm around his chest, Stevie didn't find that question hard to answer, she just hoped he'd understand. "I do. Dave is a wonderful, loving man. Despite our age difference, we do have a lot of things in common, I love spending time with him, I love being lazy in bed with him if his kids are at their mother's and it's just the two of us. I love that he cares about me, I love all the small things he does for me, even if it's just breakfast in bed or when he brings a glass of wine to me, when I'm having a bath." She sensed Lindsey possibly wanting to pull away, he tensed up, but she wasn't going to let him go. "But I'm not in love with him. It just sort of works. We don't have years and years of emotional baggage, which could weigh us down. It's easy with him and I guess, it's what I need in my life right now."

"Then what's my role in this whole thing?" Lindsey questioned. It wasn't easy, listening to Stevie speak, but he was the one, who started the conversation. 

"I don't know." Stevie shrugged. "Prior to this reunion tour, I wasn't sure if we were ever even going to be friends again. I didn't expect for you to become such a vital part of my life again, Linds. I guess, maybe only you can answer the question. Do you know yourself, what your role in my life?" He remained silent. "Are you in love with Kristen? What does being with her mean to you? Do you see yourself walking down the aisle with her? Starting a family with her?" Sadness filled her voice, when she added. "There are certain things I can no longer give to you, Lindsey."

Echoing her words, he responded. "I don't know. If I had only known that there was a possibility of something happening between you and I, I wouldn't have started anything with her."

"But you didn't know, I didn't know either." Stevie sighed. "I guess, we have to wait for this tour to end. We'll only see then if we really still need each other, when we're not forced to be together."

Lindsey didn't like that at all. He also didn't like the turn their conversation had taken. Instead of continuing on with it, he turned on his side and pressed his body against Stevie's, wrapping his arm tightly around her.

He truly hoped that they did still needed each other in spite of any circumstances.