Not the One

Part 32

Dave knew that Stevie owned several more properties, however, he had no idea of a condo nearby where they lived, which was Stevie's current hiding place. She told him that she and Karen were leaving to take care of some arrangements for the wedding, which was only weeks away. Dave honestly couldn't care less, the one thing that mattered to him was Stevie, at the altar on the actual day, so he kissed her goodbye and told her, he already missed her.

All alone in the condo, Stevie took a seat and looked at the CD and the letters from Lindsey, laid on the small coffee table in front of her. When Lindsey left that night, she considered locking them up some place safe, she could never throw them out, but she wasn't so sure she could hear and read the things Lindsey wanted her to know. Over a month had passed and every single day she thought about it. She had to know.

Reaching for the letters first, Stevie looked through them and each one had a date written at the top. The very first one was written the day after Lindsey had told her about Kristen's pregnancy. Stevie leaned back and began reading. She picked up the second letter, written a few days later. They all seemed to be only a couple of days apart. 

"You've successfully been ignoring my calls for three weeks now. I wish you believed me, Steph. I've never loved Kristen, it's always been you, baby. I'd give anything to hear your voice, to see your smile, to hold your hand."

"It's been four long weeks without you, Stevie. I hope you're doing fine, at least, better than I am. You're the person, whom I love the most and who's hurt me the worst. A day without you is a day wasted. I hate, what I'm becoming again. I can control myself, but I've started drinking a lot more lately. I feel sad and alone."

"I haven't heard from you for 37 days now. Feels like I've written as many songs about you and for you, Steph. You'll probably never hear them, though, you clearly want nothing to do with me. My heart is bleeding. I wish I could stop thinking about you, but I can't. I wake up with you and I got to bed with you on my mind."

"Day 40. I've been thinking a lot about you and Dave. I honestly can't hate the guy, even though I want to. Obviously, he's good to you and for you. I know that you're back together and when Mick told me, he could have stabbed me in the heart with a knife and it would have hurt less. He's the one you've chosen and I hope he treats you right, Stevie, a lot better than I ever have. I understand, why you'd want to be with him. Maybe, someday, I'll be happy for you, but I'm not right now. I can't be. I still want you and I still hope."

"44 days, Steph. 

All alone we goAll day after dayAll alone we suffer

Oh to steal your heart away

It's from one of the songs I've written. I'd love for it to end up on the next Fleetwood Mac album if there's ever going to be one. Most likely, not. If you don't want to see me, you'll certainly won't ever want to work with me again."

"I don't even know, why I bother with these letter anymore. It's been over two months. The things we talked about, the dreams we had... we were supposed to be together now, you and I, the way it was meant to be. It's the middle of the night and I imagine us on my home studio floor together, you writing furiously, while I play a melody to compliment your words. You're such an incredibly gifted songwriter, I don't think I've ever told you that. At least, if I did, I probably didn't mean it. But you are. You're the poet in my heart..."

There were several more letters left to read, but Stevie couldn't do it anymore. She wiped her tear streaked cheeks and got up to her feet. She went to pour herself a glass of water and drank it in a couple of big gulps, her hand a little shaky. 

Her heart was screaming to pick up the phone and dial Lindsey's number, but Stevie decided not to listen. She chose Dave. She couldn't go back to Lindsey for a month or two of happiness, before something happened and they got separated again. Her heart had been broken too many times. She was sure that they were going to make it this time and they didn't. Who was to say that if she gave in and tried yet again, their dreams wouldn't come crashing down for the hundredth time?