Not the One

Part 21

Realizing that it wasn't the right thing to do, given the circumstances, Lindsey asked Kristen to leave. He couldn't show any excitement regarding the news she'd shared with him, because he wasn't excited. Lindsey had wanted to become a father for years, having a family was one of his biggest dreams, just that Kristen wasn't the woman, with whom he wished for the dream to come true. Stevie was the only one, she was supposed to carry his child. Even now, though he wasn't overly optimistic, neither of them were young anymore and conceiving might be impossible, he would have been alright with it, there were other options. 

Lindsey couldn't sit still. He didn't know what to do. He considered calling Stevie, but he just couldn't go through with it yet. Stevie was going to be crushed and no matter what Lindsey said, he was sure she was going to push him away, she was going to make him stay with Kristen and raise their child together. The fact he wasn't happy with her, wasn't going to be a good enough argument. 

"Idiot! What a fucking idiot!" Lindsey yelled out in his empty house. 

Pouring himself a drink, Lindsey downed it in one go. He right away refilled his glass and overcome with anger, smashed it into the wall once it was empty. Clenching his fists, Lindsey closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. He slumped down on the couch and leaned forward, head in his hands. 

Out of nowhere, a thought came to mind. 9 weeks. I'm now 9 weeks pregnant.  Lindsey frowned and began doing the math in his head. I was on tour. The last time we had slept together was before I left. Dwelling on that a while longer, Lindsey then shook his head. Kristen had to have had the dates mixed up. Why would she lie about something like this?

Lindsey once again thought about calling Stevie. He was going to have to tell her sometime, somehow. But not now. He wondered, what she was doing. Was she alone? Was she with Dave? Had they broken up already? Had she changed her mind and they were making up for lost time? Unable to think about it any longer, Lindsey got back up and reached for the bottle, without bothering to take another glass.

Meanwhile, Stevie was in a completely different mood. Her and Lindsey's goodbye at the airport was emotional, but it also gave her hope. His smile, the sincerity in his eyes, his strong hold on her, when they hugged... It just felt different. It felt like it wasn't a goodbye.

Wanting nothing more than to have a relaxing evening at home, Stevie decided to draw herself a bath. She was going to deal with everything else starting tomorrow. Turning the water off, Stevie dipped her hand in to check if it was hot enough. Satisfied, she undressed, folded her clothes neatly and carefully got in, having made sure that a glass of wine and her journal were within arm's reach.

Checking the date of her last entry, Stevie frowned. She had abandoned her journal for far too long, but then again, her times was mostly spent with Lindsey and she never wrote if someone was close enough to catch a glimpse.

'Here I am, however many years later, still in love with Lindsey. Madly, I may add. He's a changed man. My last memories of him don't do him justice. He's become sweeter, more gentle, more patient even if only slightly. I know that his feelings are sincere. When he tells me that he loves me, I know he means it. I can see it in his eyes, they've never lied to me. Sure, we spent a lot of time intimately, but we also talked a lot. About everything, about nothing. We reminisced, we laughed and we cried, and we dreamed about our future. I would have never imagined us together as a couple again, but I guess, crazier things have happened. What we shared during this tour only proves to me that we can't be apart. No matter how much times passes, we still need each other. We always have and always will. We've both tried, but there's no one else for him and no one else for me. I'd love to have him near right now, but he's right, we've got things to deal with first. I just hope neither of us takes too long.

I miss him, I need him, I want him.

I love him.'

Closing her journal for the time being, Stevie put it aside and reached for her wine. She took a sip and slid in deeper under the water, letting out a satisfied sigh. A smile remaining on her face.