Not the One

Part 25

'I guess, Stevie has a point. Since I don't have anyone to talk to or someone, who I want to talk to, because Stevie hasn't picked up the phone in two months, I've decided to write stuff down. I don't know, why I'm writing this as if I'm telling this to somebody, I don't know, why I'm justifying the need to write down my thoughts and feelings. 

I haven't felt so alone for a very long time. I feel myself getting back to that dark place, I was so happy to get out of. I can't say that Stevie's out of my life completely, but she's definitely not in it right now. The last time I saw her, spoke to her, was when I went over to her place and told her about the baby. I kept calling her, I honestly thought she might soften at some point, but so far - radio silence. During these past two very long months, I've written songs about her, I've written letters to her, but they're still with me. If she doesn't answer my calls, I assume, she woulldn't read my letters either.

Kristen. I barely have any contact with her. In my mind, we're broken up. Some might consider me a monster for not caring about the poor child, who didn't ask to be involved in this mess, but I just... The baby is not mine, I know. When I think about it, the weird phone conversations we had, while I was on the road, another man picking up the phone instead of her... It all makes sense to me. Sure, it hurts my ego, but Kristen cheated on me and I'm doubtful that it had happened only once. Although, I can't be mad at her because of it. The reason I'm angry with her is the fact that she's ruined possibly the last chance of my happiness with Stevie. Kristen still reaches out about doctor's appointments, stuff she's going to need for the baby, money. I've given into her every request financially. I'm not completely heartless, mine or not, that baby didn't ask for any of this and Kristen's not able to support the increasing needs.

All of the friends I have left are my guitar, a notepad and usually a bottle of whiskey. It's as if I've been transported back years and years. Then, I was anrgy, now, I'm just lost. I don't know what to do with myself. I still want to get Stevie back, but I guess, she no longer feels the same. During one brief conversation with Mick, when he called to invite me to his Maui residence, he let it slip that Stevie was coming and she wasn't coming alone. She's back with Dave. Now that does make me want to scream. What happened between us, did it mean so little to her? One bump in the road and she runs back to him? Then again, I can't really blame her. Dave's a walk in the park compared to my complex, obsessive, jealous sorry ass. 

Maybe, I should go for a drive.'

Lindsey flipped over his noteped as if he had anyone to hide his feelings from. After a quick change of clothes, he walked out the front door and got in behind the wheel of his car. He started the engine and turned the radio on, sincerely hoping that none of Fleetwood Mac or Stevie's solo songs were going to fill the silence. 

Pulling out of the driveway, Lindsey stepped on the gass and turned towards the first green light. He didn't have any specific destination in mind, he just didn't want to be at home alone. He drove aimlessly for some time, the only place he went by intentionally was Stevie's residence. He slowed down, considering stepping out of the car, but he decided against it and drove away. 

Having lost track of time, unsure of how long he'd been driving around, Lindsey went home. He frowned, when he saw a car, he didn't recognize in his driveway. His initial thought was that somebody was trying to break in, then shook his head. Still, cautiously, Lindsey climbed out of his car and approached a man, lingering by the front door.

"Can I help you?" Lindsey asked. "Who are you? How did you make it past the gate?"

The man, who Lindsey had never seen before, replied very calmly. "I used to come visit Kristen. I, uh, I knew the code."

"Okay, and why are you here again?" Lindsey questioned, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I want to speak to her. She's not opening the door."

"Kristen doesn't live here." Lindsey shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. "Who are you?"

"Jason. She and I, well, we're... friends." Lindsey scoffed, realizing the man in front of him was who Kristen had been having the affair with. "Has she moved out? Where can I find her?"

"Kristen had never moved in." Lindsey said and suggested Jason checked her apartment. "What's so urgent at this time of night?" Checking his wristwatch, Lindsey added. "It's nearly 11 pm."

"A couple of months ago, she gave me some news, told me not to contact her and disappeared. I've returned from a work assignment just now and I need to talk to her." Jason then asked Lindsey the same thing. "And who are you?"

"Kristen and I used to date, before she cheated on me and ruined my life." Lindsey replied, sounding very casual. "When you used to visit her here, didn't she tell you, whose house this was?" Jason shook his head. "And you didn't question her, a woman in her 20's, why she lived in a mansion?"

"No, man." Jason said, shaking his head again. "She and I bumped into each other after we hadn't seen each other for several years and I just sort of... was more interested in her rather than, where she lived or- or who she lived with."

Jason had to be around Kristen's age, Lindsey thought to himself. He seemed quite oblivious, unable to put two and two together. "Say, Jason, was it? What's the urgent matter, you want to discuss with her?"

Jason let out a heavy breath and looked directly at Lindsey. "She's carrying my baby."