Not the One

Part 24

"What does this mean for us, Stevie?" Dave asked, spooning her as they lay in her bed. She didn't respond right away and he didn't push her. His fingertips traveled the length of her arm, his lips pressed soft kisses on her skin. "Was this breakup sex that we didn't have?"

The light tone in his voice told her he was joking. Stevie smiled and brought his hand up to her lips. "I don't feel like I'm in a position to tell you anything. It's up to you, Dave." She shrugged and turned around in his embrace. His eyebrows were slightly creased and confusion was written over his face. "I just want you to know that I didn't kiss you or drag you into bed, because I felt lonely." She cupped his cheek and brushed her thumb over the skin, sensing him relaxing at her touch.

"How do I know that things will work out this time?" Dave asked, kissing her palm, before lacing their fingers together. "I know, what my heart wants, but I just... I'm afraid to jump back in, to pick up where we left off, because that's just not possible."

"I completely understand. Your fear is justified." Stevie pressed herself against him, draping her arm around his middle. 

"Do you want to get back together?" He sounded careful with his question. 

"I'm not pushing you, Dave. Again, it's all up to you. Like I've told you earlier, I've made a mistake. First of all, I shouldn't have had the affair and second of all, I should have begged you to forgive me, when I told you, instead of breaking up. I know that I haven't told you about my history with Lindsey completely, but... we've known each other for the better part of our lives and there will always be something between us. I got caught up in it. I'm sure you don't want to hear it, but I believed, when he told me, he loved me, I believed, when he made his promises. I guess, I fell in love with the idea of what he and I could have had if we had gotten our shit together years ago. The question is..." Stevie trailed off, looking up at Dave, whose eyes didn't meet hers. "If you love me enough, if you want me enough to look past all that? If you're able to live with the fact that a piece of my heart will always belong to another man?"

Dave sighed, rubbing at his eyes. For a moment, the silence in the room was only filled by his heavy, even breathing. "I think, it would hurt less if it had been anyone else but him. My heart wants you, but like I said, I can't give you any sort of answer right now, Stevie. I wish, things weren't so complicated. As much as I love you, my life was a lot easier without you in it. I guess, we really are from two different worlds. I'm just an ordinary guy, you know. I have an ordinary job and I'm a dad. I'm not used to the life that you're used to. I don't want to be afraid every time you go on the road, I don't want to stay up at night, wondering if you're asleep in your own bed or someone else's. I'm not sure if I can accept your lifestyle just because you're a rockstar, because the parties and love affairs are considered a norm in your circle." Dave grew quiet and Stevie didn't speak up either. "I think, I should go."

"I get it." Stevie nodded and she did. Everything he said, she understood. 

"I'll take a shower if that's okay?"

"Of course." She smiled a little and watched him get out of bed. 

Taking a few minutes, Stevie then got up as well. She was so used to throwing on Dave's clothes, she reached for his shirt and put it on, doing a couple of buttons. She went downstairs and into the kitchen for a glass of water. Stevie leaned against the counter, running a hand through her messed up hair. The ringing of the phone startled her and she was going to pick up, before realizing that it could be Lindsey and she left it up to the answering machine.

'Hey, Steph. It's me again. I wish, you picked up the phone. I've missed your voice, I've missed you, baby. I've talked to Kristen, she keeps calling me insane. She can say, what she wants. I know it, I know the truth. I want you to believe me, too. I don't know if you care, but I'm a mess. I can't sleep, I can't eat. All I do is think of you. I've written three songs about you, I think, I'll record some demos today. Maybe, you'll get to hear them some time soon. Anyway... I love you, angel, I do. Please, call me back.'

Stevie closed her eyes, chewing on the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying. She pressed a button on the answering machine, then turned around at the sound of Dave's voice.

"Did you just delete the message?" 

"Yeah..." Stevie nodded. "Every single one that he's left."

"Uh, Stevie?" 

"Hm?" She looked at him, waiting.

"I kind of need that back." Dave half smiled and she realized, she was wearing his shirt.

"Oh, God. I'm sorry. It's a habit." She shrugged and went back upstairs to put on something else, so she could give him back the piece of clothing, which belonged to him.

Soon, fully dressed, Dave stood by the door in front of Stevie, a couple of steps separating them. He opened his arms for her and she didn't hesitate. Pressing a kiss to her hair, Dave drew back, bringing his hand up to caress the side of her face.

"This is not a goodbye, okay?" Stevie nodded. "I just need some time to think." 

"Okay." Stevie said, responding to his kiss, before Dave pulled back and walked out.