TOMORROW X TOGETHER: short fictional stories by yours truly.
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Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction unless otherwise indicated. All the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this book are either the product of the author'...
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I have a question.
In your whole existence, did you ever feel that you were good enough? Without even pushing yourself into doing things that you don't like, without struggling to perfect everything; did you ever feel that what you're doing was enough?
Because I haven't. Not once, and obviously, not ever.
I was never good enough in school, my academic results were never enough to please my parents—to satisfy them, to make them proud. My grades were always low, pathetic, and humiliating for them. In their eyes, I was nothing but futile, naive, and ludicrous. They were heartless. And it's even more surprising to hear their own son say that.
"Is this all you can give?" she asked with a brow arched.
"Can't you do anything that will not bring a disgrace to this family?" another question was given to me. Disgrace? What an overly-dramatic way to call my hard works.
"Be good enough, results like this will never bring you anywhere," she said sternly and with full authority. She stood up, walked towards the door, and slammed the door shut—full of impact, just like her words.
Am I good enough? Surely, for academic results, I'm nowhere close to being all right for them.
Then here comes another one. To my friends, was I good enough? No.
Although, if you ask me, I was good enough—that is for me, at least. I did my best for them, I treated them as my true friends; took them out to eat, bought them things they like, stayed true and humble to them no matter what happened.
Yet what did I get in return?
Betrayal.
They cut ties with me, ignored me as if they never even knew my name, replaced me with people who were—for them—better than me. I did my best, yet they never seemed to feel it. They never saw how much I treasured them. So, what? Everything I did for them was pointless? Meaningless? Bullshit.
I give my very best in everything. I give my heart and soul in all the things that I do. I worked hard for my grades, I studied hard to pass an exam, I studied hard to understand a math problem, I studied hard to make them proud—yet all I got was a "You're a disgrace to this family" from them.
Pathetic.
I stayed true to my friends, I never hid anything from them, I made them feel that they were the best thing that ever happened to me. Throughout the days that we were together, I tried my best to make them smile, to make them laugh, and to make them forget about their everyday worries—yet all I got was a betrayal.
Insensitive.
They made me feel like I was never good enough in everything; not in school, not in friends. They made me feel like I lacked so many things, perhaps I really am worthless. "You're not good enough," they said—without a doubt, without stuttering—eyes firmly locked with mine.
I have come to realize that I was never good enough in a lot of things, but how come another one came to prove to me that I was never good enough in everything?
"Let's break up," he bluntly said with his gaze not meeting mine.
And of course, I'm going to play dumb, "Come again?"
He lets out a sharp breath and then he looks at me, his brows were furrowed and his lips curved into a frown. "Yeonjun-Hyung, please do not"—he raises his hands in the air as he tried to fumble for words—"make me repeat what I just said!"
"Oh, why?" I asked, I have to admit, I was way too calm about this. Maybe because this wasn't new anymore? However, there was a tad bit of pain piercing my chest—but why wasn't I bleeding because of it?
"What do you mean why?" Soobin looked at me, I could see the way his eyes morphed from numb to glossy—anger was present in them, but I could see the overwhelming pain and anxiousness as well.
"Why... are you breaking up with me?" gladly, my voice didn't crack, nor was it even shaking. I just looked at him, patiently waiting for his response. But even though I was waiting for his answer, I already knew the reason—it was screaming at me in the back of my mind, and the voice was loud and clear.
"Because...," Soobin clenched his fist as he avoided my gaze.
"... I'm tired," he breathes out a defeated sigh and looked at me.
That's when I finally felt the stinging pain poisoning my chest, although his response was short, it still managed to break me apart. "Is it because I'm not good enough?" I asked while fighting back the tears that were daring to escape from my eyes.
"Soobin, I did everything for you. Why are you doing this to me?" and now, as I asked him that, I found my knees meeting the cold and concrete ground. This is funny, I kept on saying that I'm used to being not enough—yet here I am, being the stubborn man that I am, kneeling in front of him.
"I gave you every piece of me, even though I was scared that you might break me, I still took the risk. Because I love you, Soobin," I held his shivering hands and peppered them with kisses. I know that I look desperate right now, but it's because I'm tired—I'm tired of letting people leave me, I'm tired of letting myself accept things.
For once, I wanted to try and beg for them to stay. It sounds insensible, I get that, but this is all I can do right now—begging.
"Hyung, please don't do this. Please, just forget about me. I don't deserve you—"
"Don't I deserve anything?!" I yelled at him, but it was more of a cry. "Soobin, all my life I was never good enough. I failed at reaching my parent's expectations, my friends betrayed me for not being good enough—and now, you're doing the same thing they did to me," my grip around his hands tightened, as tight as my voice when I said those words.
"Why can't you just stay with me...?"
Because I wasn't enough, I was never enough for them.
I did everything for him, yet all I received was a breakup.
I have a question.
In your whole existence, did you ever feel that you were good enough? Without even pushing yourself into doing things that you don't like, without struggling to perfect everything; did you ever feel that what you're doing was enough?
Because I haven't. Not once, and obviously, not ever.
Not enough for my parents, not enough for my friends, and not enough for Soobin.
