Winning Hurricane

XXXVIII- Asystole

"Chandy," I heard ate's voice calling my name followed by a soft knock. "Are you ready?"

Tonight will be the last night of Charlie's wake. My parents decided to only hold three nights before the burial and for the past days I only locked myself inside. My family tried talking to me but I just.. I just shut everyone else again..

Even Hurricane.. he stayed outside my door for two whole days. Hindi siya umaalis hangga't hindi kailangan. He's talking to me kahit hindi ako sumasagot, kapag hindi siya umiimik I can hear him humming.. maybe to let me know he's still outside. Kanina nag-paalam lamang siya na uuwi sa kanila pero babalik din daw mamaya.

I appreciated it but I wasn't really ready to open the door.

When Peter passed away, Charlie was born a week later. I was so hesitant to come outside my room when Mom knocked, then I heard Charlie's voice. She smiled at me the first time our eyes met.. her hands reached out..

She saved me from drowning..

And now.. she's gone.

I thought isa ako sa malalakas na babae, but I just don't know how to be strong when one of the few people I truly love passed away.. knowing na hinding hindi na siya babalik..

The memories was too brutal, I can't find any light as I remembered her laughter.. her beaming face.. her stories and positivity.. and the fear in her voice that very night she told me she wasn't ready..

Nobody was ready..

She died beside me..

She just left with me thinking she's still breathing that morning..

I was so clueless..

I felt so shit.

Paulit ulit sa utak ko ang boses niya na nagsasabing hindi pa siya handa.. na natatakot siya.. I can still feel her trembling in my arms..

Ni wala akong clue na that will be the last.. na takot ang huli niyang mararamdaman..

"Chandy?"

I looked up as I heard that familiar voice. My heart tightens even more as I let another tear flows, my lips were trembling as I harshly hit my chest, silently crying for my sister..

I don't know where she is now.. what she feels.. I don't even know if she's happy wherever she is.. ayaw pa niya mawala..

Something inside me just died..

"Love.."

I wiped the tears and mucus away as I stood up. Forcing myself to appear tough, lumakad ako papunta sa pinto para buksan yon. This will be the very first time I'll open this since that morning she left..

But my entire pretense crumbled down as I saw Ansel's face. Agad niya akong niyakap nang mag-simula na namang pumatak ang luha ko. She stayed silent as her embrace tightened, letting me cry myself out.

"I'm here now.. I'm here now, love." Her calming voice whispered.

And I just cried. The pain was eating me, killing me slowly but having her now.. opening the door to let someone in.. stopped me from drowning completely..

"I'm so sorry.." she whispered again and I just nodded, letting all my tears flow.

Bumitaw si Ansel sa pagyakap matapos kong umiyak, she's talking to me pero halos wala akong maintindihan. Tumango lamang ako habang hinahayaan siyang ayusin ang buhok ko. Nang matapos, hinawakan niya ang kamay ko, leading me outside. Her hand keeps on pressing mine, assuring me she's here if I wanted to cry again.