Doubler || NCT || Completed

36

Yujin lifted her blanket when Jeno sat down next to her, and then set the half on top of his legs. He had turned on the floor lamp so that it wouldn't be quite so dark in the living room, and its soft light created a warm circle around them.

While Jeno made himself comfortable, Yujin fidgeted with the corner of her blanket, too anxious to face the guy sitting next to her. Her fingers were shaking, only partly because of her nightmares, and she could hear her heartbeat in her ears. She already regretted her decision to tell him anything.

"Did I wake you up?" she asked cautiously when Jeno remained silent after settling down.

He hesitated before saying anything. "Kind of, yeah."

His words forced Yujin to look up and she pursed her lips apologetically.

"I'm sorry! I thought that your phone would be on silent or - "

"Ah, no", Jeno interrupted her, shaking his head. "I woke up when you, well, screamed."

Yujin cringed. "I see. I'm sorry about that", she mumbled, embarrassed by her loud reactions to her nightmares.

Jeno tried to make eye contact with her by tilting his head to the side but she barely glanced at him. "Don't be. I was trying to decide whether I should check up on you or let you have some space but Renjun was quicker to react."

Yujin nodded.

Silence fell over the room, and Yujin's hands got sweaty. Jeno was waiting for her to say something. She was almost certain that he wouldn't force her to speak if she decided to evade the situation but, at the same time, she had a feeling that if she passed on the opportunity to let him in, it would become even more difficult.

"This is hard for me." The words escaped from her mouth when she peeked at Jeno and saw his kind, sleepy eyes. "I've never spoken about my past to anyone other than Hyunsook auntie, Taeil and my therapist."

A hint of a sad smile found its way to Jeno's face. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. You know that, right?"

"I know", Yujin said quietly. She studied his features, his narrow eyes, defined nose and that cute freckle on his cheek. His face was open, curious and trusting. Yujin didn't want her depressing past to make him doubt the goodness of the world but she didn't want to shut him out either. Somehow the fact that he wasn't pressuring her to speak, despite his worry and general dislike for secrets, made the final decision easier.

Jeno waited patiently, as Yujin fixed her posture and breathed in and out twice before facing him again.

"My mother said that she picked my dad just because his animal form was strong enough. Hyunsook auntie has told me that mother came from very strict and abusive family background, where she was taught that nothing but her heritage mattered", Yujin began her story with an uncertain voice. "My dad's animal form was a large wolf and my mother's was a polar bear."

Jeno's eyes were wide. "Wow, I've never heard of a polar bear doubler."

Yujin nodded.

"She was very proud of it and her only wish was to have a child who would be a strong predator like her. I don't really know why it mattered to her so much but she was obsessed about it. Taeil had shifted for the first time a little before I was born and, according to Hyunsook auntie, it was difficult to know whether mother was excited or jealous about the fact that Taeil's animal form was a brown bear. Whatever she thought of it, it made her even more adamant on having a strong child who'd preferably be more special than Taeil."

Jeno nodded thoughtfully. Yujin averted her gaze from him and focused on the striped pattern of the blanket.

"Then I was born. And I wasn't what she had wished for. I was small, fussy baby and I got scared easily. Dad worked in the military, so most of the time it was just my mother and I. When I was a bit older, she would sometimes scare or upset me on purpose, hoping that I would shift at an early age. It didn't work and then she would get too angry to take care of me, and drop me off at Taeil's parents, asking them to look after me while she let out some steam."