If You Only Knew

What Do We Do Now

I woke up in the middle of the night, It was around 3 in the morning. I was mad all over again. So I decided to sneak out and go to the skatepark. I opened my window and I jumped out. When I jumped out I turned around and saw Ashton. He looked real cute. He was wearing a black t-shirt with light blue jeans and white air force's. He was probably on a date with Ms. Patterson. anyways, when I looked at him, he was smiling as if he wasn't aware of what he did. I don't even care anymore. I tried to walk past him but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to where I was.

"what Ashton, what can you possibly want?" I whispered aggressively.

"okay what is going on with you? did I say something, Did I do something?" he anxiously asked.

"just forget it, It doesn't matter anymore" I softly responded as I put my head down.

Ashton then came closer to me and lifted my chin with his pointer finger to make me look at him.

"please talk to me, Your literally my only friend and I don't wanna loose are friendship" he pouted.

"can you take me to the skatepark? I'll tell you there. I reply.

We then get in his car and as he's driving I am staring out the window. I can see Ash in the reflection and he's every now and then staring at me. I guess to make sure I'm ok. We got to the Skatepark but I didn't feel like getting out so I was just going to tell him in the car.

"so what's up C?" Ashton asked

"I came to the school. After I got from the hospital. And I texted you saying I was there and you never answered my message. I became impatient, so I decided to walk to the classroom and see if your in there so I can get my books. When I was almost to the door, I heard noise. Like a lot of it, So I peeked in the window of the door to see what was going on and I saw you and Ms. Patterson. Kissing." I sadly explained.

"So why are you upset at me?" he asked.

"because....I like you and It kills me that I can't have you because your 19 and I'm well I'm not 19" I say tearing up

"hey, calm down Ciara. It's ok. I didn't know you felt this way." Ashton says as he looks confused

"Did you. you know. do it with her?" I stutter.

"I mean, well, I'm sorry Ciara, I just can't lie to you" he outburst

"wow, you know she hates me!, she doesn't like me and you go and do that?" I yelled

"Ciara, I know your mad, just calm down ok. I know your angry that I did this to you but please calm down" he warned

After what he said I started to get more angry and my tears started to rush out, I started hitting him while crying, simply because of how betrayed I felt. I know were not together but I thought I was the only one he could talk to and I thought I was the only one he trusted and then he goes and meets a teacher who he barley knows and does that! As I was hitting him he grabbed my arms and tried to bring me in to his chest. I quickly back away and get out the car.

"Ciara, get back in the car okay? come on, this is so immature. " he blurted out.

"I thought I had you Ash, Because you and me can connect on so many levels. And now all I can image is you giving yourself to her. And now she has a part of you too. And I know we just met 3 days ago but I feel like I've known you forever, and I know you feel the same way to but I have to take time to myself right now and I have to learn how to get over you"

After that I just walked home. I was mixed with so much emotions but mostly rage. I walk in the driveway of my house and I realize my light in my room is open and the light in the living room Is on. Here we go again.

I walked in the house and my parents are in the living room looking at me.

"who told you it was okay to leave the house in the middle of the night, and why the hell are you crying?" my dad shouts

" I just had a rough day okay, leave me alone" I snapped back

"who do you think you are? for now on after school I want you to be here. Don't even think about stopping somewhere. We set up cameras out side all around the house so you locked in. I'm sick and tired of you constantly acting like your the only one that had a "rough day", learn to stop being so selfish and learn to not be so stupid." he yells

"you don't know anything about how I feel, and do you think that your helping me? by calling me stupid? you did the exact same thing to Landon. He should have taken me with him." I yelled mumbling the last part.

"if you want to be with Landon be my guest" He shouts out

"ERIC" my mom shouts out

"no she wants to kill herself right? well go ahead. That's just less stress on our backs" My dad said to me.

At that point I was so angry I could break something. But I just look at him and turn around and go to my room. I am so angry I didn't even know where to put my hands. I had to call Ashton, I know I'm mad but I think he's the only person that can calm me down, so I just have to risk it. When I facetimed him and he answered and saw that I looked even more upset he paused what he was doing.

"woah, woah, what happened?" he says in a panicked tone

"I- I didn't know who to go to" I stammer

"hey, hey, stay there okay?" he says softly.

he hangs up and I was so confused and shocked that he would do that to me, especially right now. I then became even more upset and I started to destroy everything in my room. I then see my mirror and walked up to it and I started smashing it into pieces. I was so mad that I was crying but I couldn't stop punching it. I just needed to get it all out. As I'm punching it, someone from behind me pulls me back, I turned around and I noticed it was Ashton!

"stop! hey! look at me. baby I need you to stop. okay?" Ashton franticly says

I stopped because I realized he called me baby. I felt a sense of comfort. he had his armed rapped around me as my face was in his chest.

"I'm right here, right here" he says in my ear.

he then began to hug me and I just gave into it and let out all my pain on to him by just crying and screaming.

"let it out, I got you for now on. remember what I said before? I'm not going to leave you, ever." he says softly grabbing my face to make me look at him.

I then put my forehead against his and we both closed our eyes, as I sighed in relief.