If You Only Knew

Back Where I Started.

After school ended I was ready to go home and go to sleep. All I could think about during school was if because of what I said earlier, Ms. Patterson was going to report me but I didn't care at the same time because she deserved it. She was  purposely attacking me for no reason, and whenever me and Ash have a conversation she instantly squints her eyes at me, she threaten me at my locker for hanging out with ash and then she hooks up with him in the classroom. After school I was just exhausted and since I won the bet about Ms. weirdo liking Ash, he has to drive me home everyday. I waited at the corner for him and he still hasn't came, I sent him 10 text messages and he hasn't even read them. where the hell is he?

I then gave up and since the buses already left I decided to walk home. When I was almost home because I was at the skatepark. I was kind of upset that Ash just blew me off but I guess he had something important to do. As I continued to walk past the skate park, I glanced back and I noticed that Ash's care was there.  I texted him to see if he would respond back.

The Phone's Point Of View

Ciara: Hey Ash?

Ashton: hey

Ciara: What you up to? you forgot to pick me up today.

Ashton: sorry, I had a lot of things on my mind.

Ciara: oh ok, I understand.

Ciara's Point Of View:

I get a little worried because Ash always tells me what's on his mind, and this time he decided to ghost me. I walk over to his car and when I looked inside the window I saw Ms. Patterson and him in the car together laughing and cuddling while watching a movie. they didn't see me so I too a picture of them and sent it to Ash.

The Phone's Point Of View:

Ciara: {image}  you definitely have other things on your mind.

Ciara's Point Of View:

I then began to angerly walk away. I'm guessing that Ash saw the text because when I lanced back I saw him getting out the car.

"Ciara! wait, I can explain" he shouts running towards me.

"you don't have to explain Ashton! I'm glad your happy if you wanna be with her then you can be with her. But don't lead me on." I whisper back at him.

"what are you talking about? How am I leading you on?" he asks.

"we kissed!" and your acting like it meant nothing to you!" I aggressively whisper.

"because it didn't. I felt bad for you because of what happened and when I saw that you were smiling I kind of got vulnerable because I made you smile and I just kissed you. I know it was a mistake to do that but I. I'm sorry ok. Now can we just move on with our lives and just go back to being friends? Ms. Patterson is actually not that bad once you get to know her, she's way more deeper than that . I think I like her" he admits while grinning.

"well that's all I needed to hear." I said as I started to walk away.

he then grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him.

"wait, what does that mean" he asks in a concerned voice.

"it means we can't be friends." I bluntly expressed.

"what?" he says with a shocked look on his face.

"let me ask you something. Who chose to drive to the skatepark so you to could hangout? was it you or Ms. Patterson?" I asked. I had already knew the answer but I wanted it to come out of his mouth.

"Rosie, why?" he says with a confused look.

"exactly. look. I like you a lot, and you clearly have feelings for someone else. for a  person who threatens and manipulates people. But like you said "she's way deeper than that". Listen you and her have a great time together. I'm happy for you. Just don't ever call me or text me again. And don't bother coming to pick me up. I'll take the bus." I said as I ran home crying.  

 I guess that this is for the best. After that my parents got home and it was time for dinner but for some reason I wasn't hungry. Instead I just listened to music in the dark and cried myself to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and I sat up on my bed. In the moment I felt like I wanted to die. I felt like all my joy and all my excitement and motivation to get up in the morning went out of the window. I was back where I started. Depressed and angry. He was my motivation, he was my oy, and he was the one to make me laugh with all those corny jokes and his smile. But he's gone. he left. he left when he decided that she was more important. He left when he said he would never leave. But he did. 

I then got up and went into my brother's room to sleep in his bed. Growing up I would always come into my brother's room and lay with him and we would talk all night until we couldn't no more. when I was in his bed all I could think of is dying. I opened his draw where he stashes his drugs to see if there were any left. When I was looking through the draw I touched a mini black bag. When I opened it there it was. I looked at it and then looked up and closed my eyes and imagined what it would be like if I get to finally see my brother again and be with him forever, and then I looked back down at the drugs and sighed. I don't know what I want to do at this point.