𝐝𝐞𝐣𝐚 𝐯𝐮 , 𝟖𝟎𝐬

19 = stay forever

corey, being the nice friend that he is, accompanied me on my way back to the portal. we took a taxi to santa monica boulevard, and then got out to walk the last couple blocks together.

"i'm gonna miss you, ken." corey said, as we walked down the dark sidewalk. only a couple cars were passing by us every few minutes.

"i'm sure i'll be back soon enough." i smirked, "thank you for tonight. i really thought i was going crazy and talking with you made me feel a lot better."

"i'm glad." he slung his arm over my shoulder, "and you're not crazy."

"eh, that hasn't been proven yet, actually." i joked.

as we continued to walk, laughing, my eyes landed on a woman who was sitting on the ground against a building. she looked really upset.

i furrowed as my eyebrows as we got a little closer, "why does that look like aunt maggie?"

"huh?" corey asked, pulling his arm away from me.

the woman's eyes met mine. it only took a few seconds for her to jump to her feet, "brandy?" she studied me in bewilderment.

"oh fuck." the curse word fell effortlessly from my lips.

"is that you?" she began to walk toward corey and i as we stood there frozen, eyes wide.

"maybe she's drunk." corey quickly whispered to me. it wouldn't be hard to believe, i don't think there was ever a full 24 hours of aunt maggie being sober when i lived with her.

"u-uh, no ... i am a figment of your imagination." i tried to convince her, "i am dead."

she crossed her arms over her chest and for the first time i noticed she was crying, "i'm not high!" she looked at corey, "or drunk!"

"shit." corey mumbled.

"i- i can explain-"

"you died! in that damn car accident! my niece, she died 8 weeks ago, so who the hell are you? a government clone? because there's no way i'm really talking to you right now."

"i don't think the government is that advanced yet." corey said, but we both ignored him.

"is this some new thing celebrities are doing nowadays? faking their deaths so they can do ... whatever you two are doing?!" she seemed enraged.

perfectly understandable though, i, her niece was pronounced dead 8 weeks ago but here i am having a conversation with her on santa monica boulevard.

"no, no, no." i shook my head, "this wasn't supposed to happen, you weren't supposed to see me-"

"do you know how awful i've felt?" she interrupted me as she cried, "i've felt this unimaginable guilt! your parents wanted me to raise you as my own when they died. and so i did, but then i get a phone call one night from the hospital and they tell me you're dead!"

i just stared at her. i had no idea what to say.

"um, kennedy." corey nudged me in the arm, "now might be a good time to say something."

"listen, you don't have to carry that guilt around with you because ... i'm not ... real!" i stumbled over my words.

aunt maggie sniffled, "are you using again?"

"no!" i shook my head, "i'm not dead! well, here i am but ... i'm from the future. i'm not really your niece." i was aware of how poorly i was explaining this to her.

she looked at corey, "is she using again?"

"i'm not using!" i raised my voice.

"why'd you call her kennedy?" she ignored me, "brandy, you're coming home with me right now and tomorrow we are looking for a nice rehabilitation center for you."

i backed away from her so she couldn't grab me.
"corey, you can't let her go to the police or anyone okay? this can't be publicized in any newspapers or anything!"

"o-okay, how am i gonna do that?"

"keep her on lockdown, i don't know! i've gotta go, i'll see you soon!" i yelled as i ran backwards down the sidewalk.

"brandy, get back here!"

"go, go!" corey yelled, holding aunt maggie back from running after me.

i ran as fast as i could to where the portal is. i only looked back once and corey was trying to get her into a taxi but she was refusing. i couldn't help but laugh as i ran down the middle of the street.

it felt so good, in a weird way, to be running away from an identity i've created. physically and mentally.

i don't think many people ever get to experience this feeling. like corey said, me being brandy alexander was all apart of the reason any of this even happened. i get to jump into a portal that takes me away from this alternate universe and all the way back home in a millisecond.

i don't have to worry about my cover being blown to aunt maggie. i can really be whoever i want here in the 80s. and as freeing as that is, it's scary. because i worry i might like this version of myself better than the real me.

the version who doesn't have to be reminded of the loss of my bestfriend everyday. the version who isn't looked at as the "mandela girl." the version who isn't being wrongly accused of slander by a lying asshole.

here, in 1987, i get to be a nobody or somebody. i get to choose. if only i could stay here instead, forever.