Running [h.s.]

sixty five | harry

You guys can thank me later for this.

After the show, my band and I strut off stage, still high on adrenaline. The rush I get from being on stage takes a while to wear down, so I'll be energetic for at least the next hour or two. I am buzzing from seeing Luna, she looks so beautiful in her costume-I love the idea of the moon and sun for her and Mackenzie. I can't believe she came, I genuinely didn't know if she would or not.

Over the past two weeks, I've spent a lot of time thinking about our relationship and how I want it to be going forward. I know I overreacted when I read the article, and I know I should have talked to Luna before jumping to conclusions-but I was hurt by what the article said and it was a wake-up call for me that things with Luna were getting serious and I didn't know if I was ready. I thought it was easier to take a little pause to figure stuff out instead of telling her how I was really feeling. When I read the article and felt so hurt, it made it very clear to me that my feelings for her are way stronger than I thought. I knew right then and there that I had to get my shit together and figure out what I want to do so we can talk about it. It wasn't fair to her that I wasn't clear about that, but in my mind, it felt like the best thing to do at the time. What can I say? Men are often idiots.

I know I will be gone for so long, and Luna was only planning on coming to a few shows throughout my tour, so diving into a serious relationship right now is the definition of poor timing. Obviously, we could make it work if we really want to, but I had to take some time to myself to figure out if that is what is best for me. I know that sounds selfish-and maybe it is-but I'm so used to putting others first, I have to look out for myself every once in a while. Plus, if I am not entirely happy, I can't give Luna 100% of my effort.

Seeing her in the crowd tonight was incredible though, it made me nervous and gave me the butterflies I felt when I first started performing. I got distracted so many times watching her beautiful smile as she danced to my music. It was so validating to see how much fun she and Mackenzie were having. I feel like my ego has been stroked quite a bit tonight, and I am excited to hopefully hear what she has to say about the show. I'm glad they enjoyed themselves.