The day I wrote a song about you

Chapter 22: Baby steps

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" The low and a little raspy voice of Riley made me open one of my eyes. I raised my face from my pillow and nodded groggily.

"I'm making dinner." She said from the door, giving me a little smile. Luca is a lucky bitch, Riley is definitely one of a kind. "Do you wanna eat with us?"

"Yeah, I'll take a quick shower and I'll be right there."

She smiled widely. She was like that. Things like having the three of us having dinner made her happy. I had been sleeping for the past two hours since I came home from radiotherapy. I didn't know I would feel that tired, they warned me but for some reason, I didn't think I'd be that bad. I also had very sensitive skin around my groin area due to radiation and I was finding the simple task of walking really hard. I wanted to end all this so bad.

I had been really blaming myself lately for the accident I had back when I was 22. If I hadn't been drinking, if I hadn't taken my car, if I...

Regretting the things I did and blaming myself was pointless, but I couldn't stop the thought that if that car crash hadn't happened, I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

I knew I needed help, I wasn't in the right mindset. I was having those thoughts again... thoughts that scared me. Before, I didn't have much to lose but now I was excited for things, I cared about people. But those thoughts were still there. Why, though? Why would I want to end all this? Would it be worth it?

The shower was slower than I would've want to, but I wasn't going to be hard on myself. Baby steps, Nico.

When I was clean and smelling fresh, I walked slowly towards the living room. It felt like I hadn't showered in three days, which was probably true.

"Le petit Nicolas!" Luca exclaimed when he saw me with a big smile while he finished to set the table. I rolled my eyes amused as I walked towards the dining table. The lights were set to give the room a nice and warm atmosphere that put me in a slightly better mood. We had already hang some of the decorations but we still had to put up the Christmas tree that Luca had from his last apartment. Apparently, Josh and Leo were keeping it these last few years. It was obviously fake.

I put my hands inside the pockets of my hoodie as I waited for Riley to finish dinner. I could see the kitchen from where I was and Luca was annoying her like he always did. He was singing a song and pulling one of her cheeks to the rhythm. She was trying to look annoyed as she stirred the food.

Five minutes later, which I spent staring sleepily at a candle, dinner was ready.

"I made quiche Lorraine and ratatouille!" Riley said excitedly as she placed the quiche on the table. "Did I say that right?" She asked me.

"Yeah." I chuckled. "What is all this?"

"I wanted to make you feel like home." She smiled. "I never made this so it better be good. You like it, right?" Her big grey eyes stared at me in concern.

"I love it." I smiled at her as she sat in front of me.

Luca sat between the both of us and licked his lips. "Well, I don't know what any of these things are but they smell and look delicious." He approached his face to Riley and gave her a peck on the lips, mumbling a quick thank you. "So." He put on an awkward silly face and dragged his gaze from Riley to me. "Can we eat now?"

As we ate, Luca talked animatedly about the time in Paris when all he knew in French was Bonjour, baguette and oh la la!, and he needed to ask for directions to my apartment at the time. Most of the people in Paris speak at least a little English, but he decided to ask a nice old lady. It was really funny and Riley was crying as she laughed, clutching her stomach while he stared at Luca in adoration.