The day I wrote a song about you

Chapter 38: Feelings

Ever so slowly, my lips began to curl into a smile. I started to laugh. I lowered down my head and covered my face.

Oh, god. Why am I like this?

I didn't want to laugh, I was just nervous.

"Okay, I wasn't expecting that." I heard Nico mutter.

As I continued to laugh, I heard him murmur a few things in French, which made me raise my head up in curiosity. I sobered up, my breathing calming down. He wasn't laughing, he had a weird look on his face, which brought the thought to my head that I had probably hurt his feelings.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I breathed out slowly. "I don't know what's going on. I'm nervous."

He sucked on his bottom lip as he kept on looking at me.

"I- I have never had a boyfriend, Nico."

"I've never had a boyfriend either." He shook his head as he scratched the back of his neck. "Or a girlfriend, whatever."

"I'm-" The need to laugh had completely disappeared, now I just had an immense urge to cry. I felt suffocated and I didn't know how to explain it.

Would I ruin things? What if I messed this up? He was too important to me for that. What if he got tired of me? When the hype came down, at the end of the day, I would be just a normal girl- what was I saying, I wasn't even a normal girl. I had thousands of problems not only in my head but in my life. I didn't even have free time most of the time, I was dedicated to my career since that was the only thing I had. If he lost interest in the person I was now, I was nothing else. Because I couldn't be anything else. I didn't know how.

I was messed up, I forgot things, I got bored easily. I needed someone to control me, control that I didn't burn my house while I wasn't there. But at the same time, I couldn't ask anyone to do that. I didn't want a nanny. A relationship went both ways, and I wasn't sure if I could take care of anyone else.

"I'm a little overwhelmed."

"It's okay." He brought his hand forward and squeezed my leg. "Just think about it. When you have your answer, you know where to find me." Nico approached his body to mine and placed a light kiss to my forehead. "It's okay if you say no. It'll suck, I'm not gonna lie, but I'd still want you in my life."

I stayed quiet as he brought his body out of the car and pressed the intercom. Ace's reply came almost instantly.

"You guys are late. Martina's already here." He sighed. "Come in."

Nico shrugged and gave me an apologetic smile as the gate opened. "I'm always late."

I slowly smiled, staring at him as he started the engine again. "Yeah, I'm always late, too."

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The house was huge, the party was in the backyard. Turned out, this was Ace's parents' house, but they were out of the country so they let him celebrate it here.

I was probably the only one that didn't bring a present and I felt really bad. Nico was always so thoughtful, he bought flowers. He tried to squeeze it and said that it was from the both of us, but it was obvious from my face that I didn't participate. Martina was thankful though, she seemed really intimidating and confident but she was quite the opposite. I mean, she was still confident, but not the kind of girl who would bring you down. She was nice and I could guess why there were so many people in the house. Everyone looked older, around Martina's age, who was 27 today.

She had lots of friends. Maybe all of them weren't exactly friends, me being the proof, but they all liked her. I had never in my life had so many people in the same room who liked me. I had followers on Instagram, but I didn't know those people.