The day I wrote a song about you

Chapter 40: Staring

Ben had to be at work after he dropped me off at the doctor's, so I had to take the bus home. I took the wrong one so when I arrived at a neighborhood I had never been on, I decided to get out. Thank god, the bus I actually had to take, stopped at a bus stop nearby.

After two hours of a very uneventful trip, notice the sarcasm, I arrived home. I didn't know what to do, so I went for a run.

That night before dinner, I was listening to music in bed -a playlist Nico had shared with me- so that I would stop my thoughts from going over what happened yesterday. I felt embarrassed just thinking about it but at the same time glad I knocked down one of my barriers. I let him touch me, I let him know me. Maybe I wasn't so broken after all.

And it felt amazing.

The only thing bugging me was the fact that I didn't return the favor. I had never actually touched a... I blushed just thinking about it.

Dick, Cara. It's called dick.

Anxiety took over me. What if I didn't know how to do it? What if I couldn't make him feel that good?

I told Nico I wasn't a virgin, that is as far as he knew, but I was beginning to think he suspected what was behind my insecurities around sex. I mean, it wasn't normal that I had sex but nobody had ever touched me.

He had to be questioning why I wouldn't let his fingers go any further.

I needed to stop thinking that Nico was oblivious to it all, he was smart. The smartest person I knew.

Maybe it was time to tell him?

I heard Brandon's car park outside and I took a deep breath. I had been preparing my speech all day, but right now, I was totally blank.

When ten minutes had passed, I walked down the stairs. Grandpa was at his usual seat on the couch watching TV, Brandon was at the table drinking a beer, Sandro on his lap rubbing his stubble. Ben was watching something on his laptop, Justin beside him with his head on his shoulder. It was cute seeing how their relationship had grown. Mom was by the kitchen door, eating a banana before going to work as she watched the TV in the living room. The twins were at the table doing homework.

I cleared my throat. "Guys." Everyone raised their heads to look at me. Except for Ben who was too distracted. Justin tapped his chest and he turned to me, furrowing his brow.

"I- Uhm. I'm dating Nico. Just wanted you to know."

My brothers looked surprised, mom not so much. Grandpa had a little smile on his face. None of them said anything. I stood awkwardly by the door, rocking my feet back and forth. "Mhm, that's all." I looked around. "Nobody's gonna say anything?"

They all started to speak at the same time. "Wait, wait, wait. One at a time."

"I knew it would happen soon, honey. I know you." Mom said.

"Yeah, I just didn't know that it'd be that soon." Brandon added.

"You were chirpier than usual this morning, but I just assumed you guys'd had sex or something, not that it was offic-"

"Ben!" My mom and I said at the same time.

Oli and Oscar began with the questions.

"That." I pointed to them as I looked at Ben. "It's not my problem."

I turned around so I could go to my room when I felt tiny steps walking behind me. Justin was following me, so I picked him up and made my way to my room.

"Remember Nico, right?" I told him when I sat us down, my back against the wall. I took his little hands in mine.

He nodded.