never until forever [s. black]

fourtynine

katherine walks up to the tombstone and puts down a single red rose. she looks at the stone with absolute pain. she wasn't ready to let him go and it kept hurting more, the more time passed. if she could she would turn time around and find a way to save him or to stop him from being so foolish. she felt like she was going to breakdown any minute now, but she kept her eyes on the grave in hopes he'd jump out and say it was all a joke.

lily looks at her sadly as she stays back to let katherine have a moment. she glances over her shoulder to see sirius sitting on a bench, tears still in his eyes as remus and james try to comfort him. they had been the only ones at the funeral, as sirius and regulus' parents didn't want to associate with a traitor, leaving katherine and sirius as the only close family he had left. lily turns back to look at katherine and sees her sitting on the floor.

"do you want to go sit on the bench with sirius?" lily asks and katherine shakes her head, still looking at the grave. lily sighs and decides to sit down next to her. "you both need each other right now."

"how am i supposed to look him in the eyes and not feel guilty? i could have stopped him, lily. i could have stopped regulus from doing this. our last day at hogwarts he told me about his plan and i should have tried harder to stop him." katherine's voice cracks as a fresh set of tears roll down her cheeks.

"you can't blame yourself. regulus wouldn't have wanted that." lily points out and katherine shakes her head.

"how can you be sure? you barely even knew him. actually, barely anyone truly knew him. severus and emma probably don't even care that he's dead. he was all alone." katherine says weakly, before she stands up, making lily look at her in bewilderment. lily stands up as well, as katherine starts backing away. "merlin, he had no one. he was alone during his last moments. no one to assure him everything he would be okay."

"katherine..." lily trails off as tears form in her own eyes.

"i abandoned him!" katherine exclaims, making the boys look up towards them and their hearts break as they see the state of the girl. "i should have helped him instead of worrying about myself. i was selfish and now he's dead. it's my fault. i could have helped him."

"that's not true. you're not being fair to yourself." lily says as she looks in the direction of the boys, silently asking for help as she doesn't know how to comfort her anymore. katherine shakes her head and covers her face with her hands.

"this is all my fault." she says as her whole body shakes in sobs. sirius stands up, not baring to see her in such pain and not doing anything. remus and james look at him in slight worry at first, but as they realise that he's going to her, they feel less worried. as soon as she's in arms reach, he wraps his arms around her and rests his chin on her head as his own tears continue to flow.

"it's not your fault, my love. if it's anyone's fault it's mine. he was my little brother and i was supposed to protect him." sirius says weakly, making her wrap her arms around his tightly as she cries in his chest. "i know i once asked you to take care of him, and you did. you were there for him when he needed it."

"but i could have done more." she croaks out, making him shake his head.

"you've done more than you needed too. and i'm sure wherever he is, he'll probably be wishing for you to stop blaming yourself." he hums softly.