naruto oneshots

overflowing bottle

pairing: naruto x sasuke
type: angst.
setting: unknown
era: shippuden

summary: sometimes naruto feels like he has two versions of himself. while it's bright, he's forced to show a cheerful and peppy friend, but when he's alone in his room at night, it all falls down.

tw's: mentions of depression, anxiety, loss of motivation and starvation

unedited

xxx

sometimes naruto feels like he has two versions of himself. while it's bright, he's forced to show a cheerful and peppy friend, but when he's alone in his room at night, it all falls down.

sometimes naruto doesn't feel sad or happy. he doesn't really know what emotion it is, honestly. it's just an endless life where he accomplishes nothing.

sometimes naruto feels so worthless. sometimes it's as if he could just leave and everything would be normal, and it can really get to you sometimes.

sometimes, he doesn't want to call someone his own if they're just going to leave.

most of the time, the people with the most wisdom are the ones that have gone through the most. naruto once heard, "the truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."

to naruto, that's sasuke, but sometimes it is so hard to continue with that motive. sometimes it's like a war between himself, constantly debating his entire life. is sasuke worth all of his time?

and while he has concluded that no, sasuke does not deserve him, he couldn't give sasuke up even if he tried. which he has.

he doesn't anymore because naruto can't willingly get himself to do anything.

every once in a while, naruto doesn't have the money to pay for groceries, so he just lays in bed at night with a black hole in his stomach. he starves, and starves for hours until it's the next day. he manages to achieve a whole three hours of sleep, still tossing and turning, even unconscious. when he wakes up, his pillow is still soggy and was thrown onto the floor sometime around four.

he likes to sleep with it and protect that it's sasuke's chest. he pulls it closer than he would to any real person, besides sasuke himself, of course.

naruto doesn't want to kill himself. he doesn't want to discard all of his past "achievements," just start over and go about them a different way. he wants to forget all of the emotions that he's felt in this world and move to an alternate universe where he isn't so depressed.

because naruto cares for other people more than himself. two or three people actually care for him, and the thought of hurting them all is enough for naruto to put the blade away and lock it up for a few days until pondering it again. all it takes is one swift flick of the wrist, and he knows it.

one day, naruto discovered that one of iruka's young students were having a rough time. he tore a page out of his journal and wrote this:

"hi, i'm naruto! i'm gonna give you some advice.
i understand how tough things get, like how bad intrusive thoughts get, how messed up a sleep schedule can get, and more. i understand most things. as a kid, sometimes i don't feel as if i have the right to say that, yet i have experienced more than enough to understand the basics. i hope you're doing okay. if not, that's fine too! just make sure to drink some water and get some food. you can even eat with me at ichiraku, i'll pay!
you don't have to reply to everyone if you're not ready. it's okay. just know that i'm proud of you and i believe in you."

the rest of the pages hold scribbles of his emotions, usually containing words like death, depression and tears.

he feels tears, endless amounts of them, like an overflowing bottle. each gasp for air reminds him that he's far enough, away from the shore.

but sometimes, he can't cry. he wants to let it out and to just relentlessly sob, but something is stopping him. this blockade is unknown, and most likely will be for a long time. it's just frustrating.

life is frustrating. missions are frustrating, emotions are frustrating, sasuke is frustrating and fuck naruto just wants to go home.

xxx

pls take care of urself<3 for me

736 words