Darkness Within

I Know

The air has chilled significantly and Kira pulls the jacket Lieutenant Connix gave her tighter around her torso in an attempt to keep out the cool air. The desert in front of her is empty and quiet, the only light visible in the expanse that of the small homesteads and a far off town. The ship they came here in has since been brought into the hanger so that isn't even outside to break up the terrain anymore and alert anyone to their more noticeable presence. Last she checked, there were workers ripping apart the ship in search of anything that would give away their location which is what prevented Kira from retrieving the jacket she came here in.

"This seat taken?" A voice says behind her, and Kira jumps, not knowing that anyone else was out here with her. Finn stands behind her, his hands shoved into the puffy jacket that he has unzipped in the front, revealing the brown shirt he was wearing earlier today.

Kira shakes her head wordlessly and motions for him to sit, which he graciously does without saying anything else. He lets out a long sigh as he finds a comfortable position, his face out towards the desert as well, and Kira tries to relax in his presence but she notices how she is now acutely aware of every movement she makes.

"You're conflicted," he says softly to break the silence and Kira drops her eye to the sandy ground in front of her at his words. "It's okay," he assures in response to sensing her resistance to speaking. "Coming here can't be easy."

Kira searches frantically for words to respond to him but finds her mind empty and she opens and closes her mouth as she struggles to find anything to say.

"You feel like you don't belong and you're out of place," Finn says simply and looks over at her.

"Yeah," she whispers, turning her head to meet his eyes which once again look comforting, making her better understand why her mother spoke so highly of him. "I feel like all anyone sees in me is my mother, which I understand, but I don't know how to feel like I belong while I live in her shadow."

"That's the problem though Kira, all those people are seeing are your physical similarities to your mother but what they're not seeing is the other side of you that reminded me of someone else the minute you opened your mouth to introduce yourself."

"Who?"

"Your grandmother," Finn says with purpose and Kira raises her eyebrow at him out of confusion. "Your mother is passionate but impulsive, and while she was one of my closest friends, she was a lot to handle and keep up with. Your grandmother, on the other hand, a woman we all looked up to, she was just as passionate but she was also calculated, weighing every decision carefully before she made it, something your mother didn't often do. When your grandmother made an impulsive decision, she struggled internally and regret of the unknown often overtook her. Something I think stemmed from her feeling responsible for losing your father and then later your mother to the Dark Side."

"You don't know me. You just met me," Kira points out and looks back out at the empty desert with a sigh, trying to make it clear that she's not going to engage in this conversation that is putting her innermost personality on display.

"Yes, but sometimes people can see past the weak facade you put up to protect yourself."

"Do you miss her?" Kira asks bluntly, not knowing how to respond to him and desperately wanting the attention off of her.

"Your mother?" Finn asks and Kira nods, turning back to look at him. "Every day. We all do."

"She misses you too," Kira confirms. "Considering how much she talks about you all. I grew up hearing countless stories about her friends even though she never told us it was from her time with the resistance; we figured that out on our own, but she recounted her time here far more than anything else in her life."

"There's that at least," Finn sighs and leans back on his hands, taking Kira telling him this as a small win as she starts to trust him more. They both sit in silence for a minute as they watch a ship far off in the distance cross the dark sky, one singular light visible on it even though it nearly blends in with the stars.  "Don't worry about everyone else. They'll stop being so distant and you'll just become a normal addition to the base."

"So that means we can stay?" Kira asks.

"That means you can stay," Finn confirms. "Oh, and here's this back, I'm sure this will come in handy for you at some point." Kira watches as he sits forward, reaching behind him and under his jacket, pulling out her black lightsaber hilt that Rose took from them after showing them the rooms they would be staying in.

"Thanks," Kira says with a smile and looks down at her saber, the metal cool against her skin that has remained warm due to her sitting with her hands in her pockets.

"Red," Finn observes and Kira nods sheepishly, embarrassment sweeping over her. "We can fix that."

"How?"

"We'll heal it," Finn assures. "And while we're at it, we can get your friend his own."

"How did y-"

"I don't think we need to keep pretending Kira," Finn laughs and stands up, adjusting his jacket in front of him before turning to head back inside. "The doors close in under an hour so make sure you're inside. Have a good night."

"Thanks, General, you too," Kira says politely and watches him go.

As soon as he's gone, Kira looks back down at her saber hilt in her hands, not daring to ignite it and draw any more attention to herself with the red color. The pit that has been forming on and off in her stomach returns and she chokes back the tears that are beginning to form as well, knowing that this is one of the only pieces she has to her mother.

Closing her eyes, she reaches up and pulls the pendant of her necklace out from under the fabric of her tank top that rests on her collarbones. The small red stone is warm against her skin, having been resting against her chest, and she squeezes it in an attempt to stave off the tears that are becoming even more persistent in their advances.

Kira reaches out into the force, not entirely sure what she is searching for besides some sort of comfort, faintly wishing that she could have been born into a simple family, one that isn't so widely known or of such unfortunately high recognizability. A warmth reaches out around her and she sits in it, her eyebrows scrunching together as she tries to detect the source.

"Kira," she hears through the force and she pulls her eyes open in shock, looking behind herself to see if there is anyone else around and if she may have just been hearing something. Scanning her eyes back out across the desert and then up to the sky, she stops on a large star that almost has a blue hue to it.

"Dad," she whispers, the tear in her left eye that has been threatening to escaping, slipping through her bottom lashes and hanging there until she squeezes her eyes shut, the tear immediately beginning its descent down her cheek, leaving a wet, stiff trail. She doesn't know where he is and he doesn't know where she is, but for a moment in time, she can almost feel his arms around her and his comforting embrace he would always hold her in anytime she would cry growing up and now longs for. "I'm sorry," she whispers into the expanse, moving the pendant to her palm and squeezing it inside her closed fist against her chest.

The silence of her surroundings is unnerving to her and she shivers, knowing it's time for her to go up to her new room, but is stopped by the sound of his voice again seeming to carry across the barren planet "I know."