bloodied arrogance || crowley eusford

22

"you're fucking kidding me, right?" you ask, spitting the words with venom dripping from them, as if he had just asked of you the worst thing he could have. and in your eyes, he had.

"not at all." came crowley's hard response, and you could already tell that he wouldn't waver on this.

"you better be, because there's no god damn way i'm accepting that." you hiss, punching the vampire in the shoulder again, you can't count how many times you've hit him now. of course, your punch would never be at its strongest while lying down, but you like to think it's the effort that really counts.

"you're ridiculous. do you want me to take you to your friends or not?" crowley asks, sounding a lot like someone who's patience is running thin.

"i can't become- there's no way i can fucking let you-" you're so frustrated at your lack of power, and your sentences come out broken, unable to put a full, coherent thought together in your mind, let alone spitting the thoughts out. "i refuse to become the thing that i've spent my life training to kill! you really expect me to accept your conditions, when my life isn't something you can fuck around with? fuck that you dumbass! it's not happening!" you yell, striking out at the vampire in a fit of aimless punches and kicks. more than trying to hurt him, you were looking to clear your head.

"if you're going to fight, you have to be the strongest you can be. i can't let you be killed because i didn't ensure your safety. this will help you." he sounds so calm, so sure of his words. it makes you even angrier. you get the part about strength, but you have morals. you swore that you would kill every vampire, but how can you make that your life's goal if you are one? "you won't lose your emotions, i promise. you'll just be stronger. you won't need human blood because you wouldn't be able to drink it anyway. there's no problem."

while crowley's points are something to consider, you know he doesn't understand your side. you've spent years training to kill them, so it feels like a betrayal to everyone who's died at their hands if you were to become one.

but you could use their own strength against them, couldn't you? is that in itself not something to consider? spiting the vampires by killing them with their own strength.

would you do it? if it was the only way to be able to join the fight again? would shinoa or yoichi or kimizuki for that matter? you know the one most likely to take the deal would be yuu. he'd do almost anything to kill vampires, and for all you know that may include becoming one. but you know he only would if it was the only way.

it's so frustrating, feeling and being so powerless. there's nothing you can do to go join the fight, and you know that your friends probably need you. and they especially will in the future.

is there anything else i can do? there isn't, is there?

you can feel the familiar, yet somehow foreign stinging of tears in your eyes, and you try to bite them back. you're not weak, but you know that there's nothing you can do against the force of your frustration right now.

"i don't want to hurt you." crowley says, his voice far less stern than moments ago, and when you open your eyes his own are much softer this time too.

"you bastard." you sigh, voice cracking through your small sob. "i fucking know that. but you are."

crowley's head tilts to the side, and he frowns. "but i just want to protect you, and you just want to protect your friends. i feel like i have everyone's best interests at heart."

you snort, tears beginning to fall. you wipe them away frantically. "fuck you. i know that you're trying to make me stronger but i hate vampires. you know that, i tell you all the time."