Put A Little Love On Me ~N.H~ *Completed*

44

Aliyah

Just as I suspected, LA is just as lonely as it was before I left.

Even with Michael living with me and Colby living close by, I still feel a sense of being alone.

Before flying back from my parents' house, I seriously thought about just staying there.

I could see all of my family every day.

I wouldn't have to feel the constant pressure of feeling like I'm being watched with my every move.

I would finally be able to breathe properly.

But of course, Bryce talked me out of it.

He told me about how all of my friends would miss me.

Whether or not they were all talking to me at this given moment or not, I would be missed.

I don't fully believe him as of right now, but I know for sure he knows what he's talking about.

That's what older siblings do.

They talk you out of the bad choices you have to make and talk you into making the good choices instead.

I just hope that Bryce ends up being right about this entire situation with Niall.

So here I am, back in LA.

Even though, I'm not completely happy with being back this time.

I think my anxiety is somehow getting worse.

I'm not sure how it can get even worse than it was, but I think I may have just discovered that it can get worse and worse.

With my anxiety getting worse, my panic attacks are becoming more frequent.

Which I find just amazing.

Not only do I get to wake up each day knowing I will be worrying about every little thing, but that I might even get to fully freak myself out over the smallest thing with nobody around to help me through.

That someone being Niall.

I don't know how, but he is the only person that has gotten me through my panic attacks that fast.

The three times he's helped, he made sure to keep me calm and regulate my breathing so it doesn't get even worse.

I mean yeah, Michael has helped me through them now that he is currently living with me, but what's gonna happen when he finds his own place or chooses to live to go live with Colby?

I'm not trying to be selfish, but then nobody will be here to help me through them.

I really don't know what I'd do then.

"What do you keep thinking about?" Mariah snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Nothing,"

"I know it has to be something, Aliyah," she sighed. "Let me help,"

"Uh, well, Bryce knows about Niall and I. Or at least how I feel about him and kinda how Niall says he feels about me,"

"And?" She urged me to continue.

"He told me to tell him,"

"Then you do that," she lightly smiled. "You go over there and pour your heart out. If he doesn't accept then that's his loss on having an amazing woman,"

"I can't do that!" I yelled obviously shocked at what she was suggesting.

"And why not?"

"For one, he hasn't spoken a single word to me in two months. Second, I still don't know if he meant what he said the last time he was over here. And third," I thought. "I don't actually have a third reason,"

"Just think of it this way," she started. "If you tell him how you genuinely feel and he feels the same way, then you two can be together like everyone knows you want to be. If he doesn't feel the same way, then all you did was tell him how you feel and then he just knows. There is a chance you are no longer friends, but at least he'll know," 

"That's the thing," I sighed. "I don't think I can honestly handle him not being in my life permanently. I don't think I've been as happy as I have been since before I met my ex, you know that,"

"I do know that and I'm very happy that you're finally getting back to the way you were before you met that piece of trash Jared," 

"But you see where I'm coming from right? About how I can't lose him if I tell him everything and him not caring or permanently cutting me out of his life for good?" I asked her.

"I understand completely, but I think you should take the chance and tell him. I think he'll still appreciate you telling him rather than you bottling it up inside and keeping it from him," 

"Alright, I'll think about it and then risk my friendship by telling him sometime soon,"

Just as I finished explaining everything that's been going on between Niall and me these past two months, my phone starting ringing, and Mully's name popped up on my screen.

"Hello?" I quickly answered.

"Do you think you could come over some time this week?" Mully asked me.

"Am I even wanted there?"

"You always are! Why would you ask something like that?"

"Because Niall hasn't said a word to me in almost two months Mully! What else am I supposed to think?"

"I get that, I really do, but he's been in a tough mind set,"

"And you think I haven't? I lost someone really close to me without any kind of warning. He hurt me and he most likely doesn't even care," I sighed.

"I know, I know. But trust me, he cares. He cares way more than you think. Just please come over sometime this week," he pleaded.

"I'll think about it," I said right before hanging up.

"Ugh!" I groaned as I put my head in my hands.

***