ON HOLD
//
"What do you want to drink, angel?" He whispered in my ear as goosebumps rose all over my skin. I roll my eyes at him secretly adoring the nickname he's chosen for me.
"Haven't I told you, Harry, that's not my name?" He gives me a genuin...
HOLY SHIT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 100k IM FREAKING OUT I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH<3
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I'm nervous.
I'm currently sitting on Zayns' couch in his apartment trying to ease myself into the fact that I'm in love with his childhood best friend.
I've been here for most of the afternoon and the sun had just set. I was letting myself relax all day until the thoughts of telling him my plans crept in.
I shouldn't be nervous because he's one of the nicest people I've met but it doesn't stop the fact that I've admitted to no one that I love Angel except myself.
I even practiced it in the mirror, how I'd tell Zayn or even her, and every time it just sounded stupid. I wanted it to be special with her like the hopeless romantic I am but nothing seemed good enough.
Sometimes I tell her while she's asleep. Her blissed-out face makes it easier for me to pour out my heart. But then my confidence fades as does her unconscious state. I always wake her up with a smile and cuddles, trying to bind her to my bed never wanting her to leave.
Other times I'll say it silently against her hair while we're showering together or when she's standing in front of the mirror doing her makeup before work and I cant just keep my hands to myself. All of the things I wish I had the courage to say out loud I'd quietly tell her while distracting her with my touch.
I've never felt like this before and I wasn't exactly sure what the right way to go about it was. All I knew is that I'd wait to tell her till she was ready. I didn't want to push her into feeling anything. She deserves to figure it out on her own without anyone pressuring her.
I'd start with Zayn and hopefully, get his input on something else that's been eating away at me for a while.
"What's up with you? You've been staring off into space for the past five minutes." Zayn asked as my attention from looking at a wall was broken.
I really was in my head.
"Sorry, my brains a fucking mess right now," I say honestly.
Zayn walks around the couch and plops down opposite of me. "C'mon then mate, tell your therapist all your problems." He jokes as he gestures toward himself.
"It's about Angela," I sigh while pinching my bottom lip in between my pointer finger and thumb.
"Always somethin' with her," he laughs before slumping back into the couch waiting for me to continue.
I shrug my shoulder, " 'S nothing bad I've just been thinking about us and our future I guess. It's been poking around in my brain for weeks now and I can't seem to stop psyching myself out wondering if she thinks the same."
I always wondered if she saw a future with me. I know she cared deeply for me and maybe she does love me just as much but it doesn't stop the doubt from seeping in. I don't know what any of that future entails, but I know I want it all deep down.
