ON HOLD
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"What do you want to drink, angel?" He whispered in my ear as goosebumps rose all over my skin. I roll my eyes at him secretly adoring the nickname he's chosen for me.
"Haven't I told you, Harry, that's not my name?" He gives me a genuin...
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The amount of dejection I feel coursing throughout my body is enough to paralyze my heart. I've never felt something so frightening but comforting all at once. The juxtaposition of my emotions confuses me, I wonder if one day it will all make sense? The pain never seemed to leave, it was only ever interrupted by the temporary fix of different substances. Until now, until him. My new fix of choice was a shy green-eyed boy that called me his angel.
It was hard not to feel the things that haunted me for so long, just being alive was a constant reminder that I was never good enough.
No one ever cared enough to ask how I felt or took the time to make me feel better. I missed being happy, not that I remembered much of what it felt like.
Harry was helping me. Just being able to tell him what happened to me made me feel like I didn't have to hide anymore.
I didn't want him to see me as broken or used, I want to be a new person, the real me. The girl he saw me as.
I never let anyone touch me when I break down like that, I hate being touched when I feel so low.
I would use sex as a distraction when I did feel that way, that was the only contact I'd allow.
Harry comforting me was different, I craved it. Maybe it was because he came to see me without me having to ask, which I never did anyway. It seemed as if he knew what I needed before I did.
He was gentle and careful, he didn't rush me into anything. I was so thankful for the way he listened to me, I needed to tell him. It was eating me up inside.
Somehow I knew I would be safe telling him, my mind knew that he wouldn't be disgusted with me or not believe me. It comforted me in a way I'd never felt before.
I never spoke about what happened that night since I told Jo, I couldn't relive it. I felt so violated, I felt like garbage. I wanted so badly for it to stop but no one was there to save me.
After it happened I practically lived in the shower trying to wash away what happened. No matter how hard I scrubbed the memories were still there.
It hurt me so much to think about what I let happen, I wish I would've fought harder. I always think about what I could've done differently.
What would my life be if I had just called Jo to come to pick me up? I thought I'd be safe sleeping in my brother's apartment, I guess not.
When Harry told me it wasn't my fault it felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I didn't feel ashamed anymore, I wasn't the problem. I felt so at home in Harry's arms.
He held me like he was never going to let go, I missed him so much these past two weeks.
When we kissed yesterday I felt a surge of electricity through my entire body, he made me feel like a new person. I didn't want to stop but I knew I would overthink anything I did more with him if I hadn't stopped.
