only angel ✭ h.s.

Twenty Three

Change is hard but inevitable.

Two years ago I would've never thought I could make it this far. Honestly, I thought I would've given up by now. I'm so proud of myself for not losing hope even when it felt like there was none.

I've made a lot of wrong decisions in my life but getting help and bettering myself isn't one of them.

I'm slowly learning not to blame myself for everything bad in my life. Not always was I the cause for such heinous effects. I was learning a lot about myself and why I had been acting the way I did. Therapy was oddly helpful but also one of the most uncomfortable things I'd been through.

I actually had to talk about my problems. Surprising right?

It had been a few days since my talk with Harry and things were slowly getting better. He was very hesitant around me as if I was going to break.

I'd been reassuring him that I was in a better place now and my focus was on mending myself and our relationship. He told me he only wanted me to get better before we worried about ourselves, but it felt wrong to fix myself and not what we built.

In just five short months I've grown to care about someone so much and my brain wasn't used to having someone I could be dependent on. Obviously, it malfunctioned at some point and lead us to where we are today. But I wouldn't change it.

In a way, it made our bond stronger. He's seen me at my worst and I plan to only give him my best from now on. Or try to at least.

Today Harry offered to take me to therapy after our classes. It was almost four in the afternoon and I was physically and mentally exhausted.

Most of the time I dreaded coming here but in the end, I knew it had to do me a little bit of good.

I saw the busy city pass by quickly as I stared out the window of Harry's car, sinking into the comfortable seat of the black range rover.

My mood matched the weather, cloudy, and raining. I didn't want to go to therapy knowing I could be spending my time studying or just being with Harry.

Sometimes the sadness would creep back in with the memories of my past and I'd slowly sink back into the abyss.

Emptiness.

I wish my problems could magically be fixed overnight but I knew that was impossible. I just had to take it day by day and hope for the best. At least with him, my head was quiet.

I quietly huffed trying to pull myself from the depressing thoughts running around in my mind. I looked down at my lap mindlessly picking at the hem of my oversized baby blue jumper.

I wore black biker shorts under it pairing them with my docs. I wanted to be comfortable but also look like I put some type of effort into my look.