only angel ✭ h.s.

Fourteen

Life was quite dull for so long without her. I used to relish the loneliness, I'd bask in it happily believing life could only become worse.

I was scared to let myself feel, I'd shut myself out from everyone I had forgotten how to interact with people, not like they cared to get to know me anyway.

She was different, it seemed as if she liked to torture me by making my cheeks heat up and become an embarrassingly deep shade of red.

It was an odd connection I felt with her, I hadn't felt anything besides a never-ending emptiness till her.

I couldn't explain it, all I knew was that I wanted to know more about her. Her green eyes held such a story that she safeguarded with a strong exterior that was made of steel. A story I'm still reading, I like each and every page; even if I punched someone in a couple of those pages.

She wasn't one to open up easily and neither was I, somehow we both knew we could trust one another.

We didn't need to tiptoe around our insecurities because there was a level of confidence we had in each other that reminded us to not be afraid.

After feeling empty for so long you begin to think there is no end, just a deep abyss of nothingness.

When you do finally start to feel something it almost feels, wrong? Your emptiness loved the companionship of your loneliness, why'd you rip them apart?

Your heart knows the emotions are exactly what you need to heal, to become your better self but your brain feeds you lies telling you that you deserve nothing.

I believe we both had the same demons plaguing our minds, screaming that we weren't good enough to be happy.

I shut it out, she made me happy, like I was home and I've chosen to never leave. As long as she'd have me. I wouldn't leave even if the home with her was on fire, I'd burn with it; with her.

I've also learned to enjoy the good times, the joy I've become accustomed to because nothing good ever lasts.

I'm internally screaming to the universe to give me this one win and let me keep her but it was never that kind.

Fuck, I needed to stop doubting this. I'd never doubt her, I was just never lucky enough to hold on to the things I needed most in my life.

She told me she wanted me, only me. That's all I needed, her, my angel.

I'd been sitting in my car overthinking my entire life; obviously. It was around midnight and I was waiting for Angela to finish up her shift so we could go back to her dorm, I hadn't seen her since Saturday. Three days too long.

Oh yeah did I forget to mention I'm a fucking simp? Who can't go three days without seeing their girlfriend? Me.

I was relentlessly tapping my fingers on the steering wheel on my car mindlessly humming a song called Cherry by Lana Del Rey which Angel had me listening to now. I was trying to keep my body busy so my mind wouldn't wander.