BLACKPINK 5TH MEMBER||#book2

𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳

A/N
🚧Get ready for some angst.🚧
As you can assume from the title, this chapter revolves around Yuri and her brother, Seunghyun aka Top.
🚧Now, let's take a better look into the reason why Yuri's life.🚧
There will also be mentions of her relationship with Jaemin, but they are there to understand better the storyline, I promise they're short.
You curious? Me too.
In case this is cringe I didn't write it.
Let me know what you think at the end of the chapter.
🚧[PLUS, THESE PARENTS ARE FICTIONAL, NOT REAL, NEVER FORGET THAT]🚧
Like usual, typos will be corrected later, for now please enjoy

***

August 2020

Yuri was sitting at the dinner table, scrolling through her phone to check if there were any new messages from Jaemin.

"You'll dig a hole into the screen if you keep looking at it like that." She heard her brother saying and looked up to see him standing next to the door, holding a cup of tea.

"Why the hell would you be drinking hot tea in the middle of August?" He didn't bother to answer and just chuckled.

"What's wrong?" He asked when he saw her sigh to the millionth time that night. "Aren't you happy I'm back? No party for me?"

"Please, I'm not in the mood right now." She closed her eyes, shutting her phone and putting it down. "Tomorrow it's the release day of the new music video a s in case you didn't notice I'm having a heartbreak, shouldn't you be the one to worry for your sister at the moment?"

"Alright, alright. Aren't you happy about the new release?" He looked as the puppy she took to his house was sitting on the floor next to her feet, looking up at her, probably wanting some attention or being hungry.

"Of course. That's what I've wanted for the past years, to release more things as a group. But my life is a mess right now."She said and finally picked up Yeontan, putting him on her lap. He instantly fell asleep. "Things were getting better. I thought I could be happy on my own, but like usual our parents hate me so much they ruin my happiness even after I did what they wanted me to."

"Don't talk like that. They don't hate you, they just want the best for you." She let out a bitter laugh, making him stop talking.

"Best for me? They just wanted me to become you." She looked at him and smiled with a hint of bitterness. "Once they tasted what it would be to have a famous child they decided they wanted the other one to do the same."

She stood up, Yeontan between her arms, stepping closer to her brother.

"When they came to pick me from our grandparents house I thought it was because they would finally acknowledge me as their child too, or at least as the daughter of our mother since we don't even have the same father. But I was wrong, because as soon as they picked me up they pushed me to enter that place." She bit her lower lip, trying to keep her composure. "They told me my dream was to become like you, famous. A star." She looked away, this time trying to hold back tears. "And they never asked me what I wanted to do."

"They assumed it wrong. It's something normal for parents to do, but they did it wanting the best for-"

"Don't say it. They never cared. They didn't assume, they decided for me. Do you even know what it means to have no choice to decide for your own life? I did it, I convinced myself that I wanted it because I wanted to make them proud. But if they cared so much then why didn't they ask me what I wanted to do, like they did with you?" Her tone was angry, but her brother could see her expression changing to a hurting and doubting one. "I'm not dumb, I was young, but that didn't mean I couldn't understand what was happening."

She walked away, towards the living room, to put Yeontan down on the couch to sleep. Then she turned around, seeing her brother follow her.

"Yuri-"

"I spent so much time of my life to wonder why happiness had such a bitter taste until the day I realized what I was feeling was not happiness. I love you. You're the best brother I could ask for, and I don't blame our parents' actions on you, you didn't have any idea, it was your right to live your life. But this is also the reason why you shouldn't assume things now. They don't love me, they spoiled me to make it look like they loved me in front of you and everyone else, but not everything that shines is a light."

"We already had this discussion before I left and you weren't talking like this. What's changed?"

"Everything. Everything changed."

"What do you mean?"

"When I met Jaemin I saw someone who was pursuing his dream. He's passionate about it, yet this doesn't make him feel the same bittersweet taste that I felt. I'm not saying that I love him and I want a future with him, but I wanted this relationship to follow its course. I wanted to tell him about Hyunsuk and Taehyung, but someone did it before me. The company isn't happy about my relationship with him, I don't think we'll last long at this point. I can't change his company's mind. Our parents didn't like it when it was revealed that I was dating someone, they already told me many times to leave him but I refused. I was a fool to think they would let this thing slip their scheme or whatever they planned for me."

She sighed and let the tears wet her face. She wasn't crying thinking about her parents, but about Jaemin. He deserved better than this.

"I reached a point of no going back. I don't wanna go back to when I had to eat a lot more than others because I didn't have any appetite, or go back to have to visit a therapist because I can't talk to anyone about my depression. I hated that part of my life when it was happening and I hate it right now too. It took me two whole years with a therapist to understand that there was nothing wrong with me for not being happy to have become someone I didn't want to become. And if you still think this was our parents' love for me, then maybe there's something wrong with you."

He wasn't sure when she broke down like that. His little sister was a little warrior on the inside, strong to keep up with everything.

When he asked her about her depression she would just say it was because of stress, but he should have noticed it wasn't because of stress.

He put down the cup in his hand and didn't hesitate to hug her.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be the one for you to talk to."

"It's not your fault, don't blame yours-"

"Yes, it is. What kind of brother am I to ignore all this? I thought you wanted this and I didn't stop for a second to ask you. I should've seen there wasn't happiness, but I couldn't. I was too focused on myself. From now on, let me make it up to you."

"Please, don't say it. You didn't know and I was too scared to tell you. It's my fault too. Everytime mom would say that I wanted it maybe she was right, maybe I wanted it, but I didn't realize it. I'm happy now that I've become like you and I think that maybe it was my fault in the past too. But I just don't know why I'm happy now, and not from the start."

"Don't blame yourself. It was not your fault."

"Yes,it was. It was always my fault. If I didn't want to be happy then I wouldn't have accepted Jaemin's feelings and now he would be heartbroken by someone like me. It's no one else's fault but mine."

"Yuri-"

"Things didn't work with Hyunsuk, how could I expect for them to work this time? With Eunwoo there wasn't even enough time to get scolded because as soon as we started dating we also broke up. But I was a fool to think this time would be different. I ruined his life, I made him so sad. You have no idea what kind of expression he had on his face. I hate myself so much, how could I be so selfish." She kept shouting against his chest while he tried to keep her still, to calm her down.

"It's alright. Shh. It'll get better."

"No, it won't. It never got better." She said and stopped moving. Letting the tears roll down and her brother hug her. "It's my fault."