Losing Everything

Chapter 10.9

In a way, Lucy wasn’t surprised that no-one would take her calls. She had always suspected that all the business networking she’d ever done was largely wasted time, that it was only so much talk, an excuse for people to get out the office and drink rather than anything else, and that the contacts people made were really only there when things were going well.

She’d suspected it, and now she was having it confirmed with a certain finality, and that was a little upsetting.

She thought for a moment, and then decided to try something different. If she accepted that she’d lost Bitmo, if she resigned herself to that and didn’t try to save the company, then she might still be able to find some work for herself, and to begin dealing with the money she owed that way. She phoned a few more people who she thought were friends and asked, pleaded, for work. She said she wondered if they had any consulting going, that she needed a change, and a new start. Politely, she was told no. She became more desperate, and started to push people harder. She said that in all honesty she was stuck, and in desperate trouble, and was there any chance they could help? Any work at all would be useful.

She still didn’t have any luck.

After half a dozen calls, realizing her list of hopefuls was shrinking to nothing, she started to beg. She’d owe people, she said. She would remember once she was back on her feet and repay the favour. By the last calls, she was saying she’d do anything and wasn’t fussy, but she still didn’t have any success. People kept saying no. She became completely, desperately honest, and told the last few people that she was out of options, and had nowhere else to try, that she’d lost everything and just needed a little bit of a hand, that was all. And people still said no. They said it more firmly, as she became more desperate.

She tried again, and then again, telling herself she had to ignore her pride and just do it. She kept trying, until she couldn’t think of anyone else to call.

Then she sat, forlornly looking out at the sea, disappointed, and on the verge of crying. She sat there thinking, and began to realize what the problem was.

It wasn’t Jake, or the tax office, or that these people weren’t real friends who had never really liked her. It wasn’t any of those things.

It was that they were afraid of catching failure.

She frightened them, now that Bitmo had failed, and it didn’t really matter to anyone what had happened, or why. It was the failure itself that scared them. Now that she had failed, she was contagious. They were all scared to catch failure from her, and they were disheartened by the miserable realities her failure reminded them of, too. No-one was going to help her, she realized. No-one would help until she had proved she didn’t need their help any more, and was a success again, and back on her own feet.

The more she thought about it, the more she knew that was exactly what was happening, and the more she wasn’t surprised, either. She wasn’t surprised, and she couldn’t even resent them for it, because she most likely would have done exactly the same thing herself.

It left her a little stuck, though. She had no idea what to do next.

She sat there for a while, thinking, and then she switched her phone off again. She had nothing else to do except think, so she decided she might as well go and sit on the beach to think instead of thinking there.

It would give Erica a little peace, at least.