For herself, Lucy decided, she wanted to keep quiet. But at the same time, she also knew that was a selfish thing to do. Mostly because quietly letting Erica do as she wished also happened to be exactly what suited Lucy, and knowing that made Lucy feel guilty, and a little grubby too.
She felt grubby, because she really, really did want Erica and Allie to break up. For herself, and without any of her other concerns being a part of it, she absolutely wanted that to happen. She wanted Erica to dump Allie, right now, over the phone if it hadn’t happened already, and then to come over to the couch and kiss Lucy, and keep kissing her, and then to start making up for all the time they had missed together.
That was what she wanted, except she didn’t, not really.
Not like this, with everything so ambiguous and unresolved, because some tiny fight had happened which had got out of hand and which hadn’t had the time or a proper chance to get untangled, because Erica and Allie were both acting too hastily. And also not just because Lucy happened to be around, as a kind of support, or some kind of momentary better choice for Erica to grab onto without thinking everything though. Especially not then, Lucy thought, because if she ended up with Erica because of something like this then she wasn’t actually sure whether she would ever be able to be competently certain that Erica actually wanted her, and not simply a different set of choices. And that could actually turn into quite a serious problem between them.
So not like this, Lucy thought, determinedly. It wasn’t fair to Erica, not really, and it wasn’t fair to Lucy, either. It wasn’t even fair to Allie. It wasn’t a sensible thing for any of them to be doing, and especially not Erica, which was who Lucy was supposed to be worrying about.
Lucy thought, and decided that actually, she didn’t know what to do, and ought to wait, and also that she wasn’t brave enough to speak up and just ask whether Erica was making bad decisions, anyway.
She wasn’t brave enough, so she wasn’t going to say anything, so instead, she stayed quiet.
She told herself it was only for now, until things were clearer, and that once she knew what was happening she might say something to Erica then.
She told herself so, hoping that she would. And then, for the time being, she just sat where she was quietly, looking over at Erica, still wondering what to do, while Erica watched her message send, and then put down her phone, and came back over to the couch.
YOU ARE READING
Losing Everything
RomanceLucy loses everything that matters to her, her partner and job and business and all her money. She loses everything, and in doing so she reconnects with an old friend, Erica, and begins to fall for her instead. And as she does, she realizes that e...
