Losing Everything

Chapter 3.6

Erica seemed to be thinking. Lucy waited while she did.

She looked at Erica while she waited, and began to think as well.

Erica’s hair was wet, and her face damp. Like Lucy’s was, Lucy supposed. Erica’s hair was damp, and Lucy began to remember other times she had seen Erica looking like that. Erica with damp hair, and Erica breathless with pleasure. Erica having sex, really, was what Lucy was remembering. She began thinking about that, remembering their sex, and remembering how much she’d always used to want it too, and also, oddly, realizing that she’d had these kinds of random thoughts about sex and Erica before. She had used to do this quite often, she recalled, back when they were having their affair. She would just start thinking about sex with Erica for no real reason, glancing over at her when they were both busy working, when she thought Erica wasn’t looking, and remembering what they’d done with each other the last time they were together.

Lucy had used to think about sex with Erica a lot, and if she was being honest with herself, she still did. She thought about it every day. Most days, anyway. Almost every day. She still thought about it, she just hadn’t thought they ever would again. Or that she would see Erica again, either. And now, to her surprise, she had.

She had seen Erica, she was seeing her, and already she was thinking about sex.

It seemed too soon.

She was a little surprised at herself.

“Do you want something to eat?” Erica said suddenly.

“What?” Lucy said, startled.

“Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?”

Lucy wondered, and then decided yes, she probably did. She needed to start doing normal things again, she thought. Trivial things. Like eating and getting dry and finding somewhere to live. So she’d start by eating, if Erica was offering her food.

“Um,” she said. “Yes, actually. Yes, I would.”

“I live down there,” Erica said. “You might as well come and have something.”

She pointed, and they started walking. Lucy carried her shoes and car keys and walked in bare feet, and Erica carried the vodka bottle, which sloshed slowly as they walked. Erica must have put the bottle of pills in her pocket, Lucy thought. The bottle had disappeared, anyway, so if Erica didn’t have them, then they were lost.

Not that Lucy really cared.

They walked along the high tide line, where a crust had formed in the sand as the tide went out. Their feet broke through the crust, which made walking harder. The sand was scratchy under Lucy’s feet, and slightly gritty, like having her feet exfoliated as she walked. It squeaked faintly with each step, too, which Lucy found a little odd. She bent and picked some up, and let it run out though her fingers. It didn’t feel any different to ordinary sand, so she didn’t know why it would make strange noises.

She did it again, wondering if she was imagining the squeaks.

“It squeaks,” Erica said.

“Oh. Really?”

Erica nodded.

“That’s kind of…” Lucy stopped and thought.

“Weird?”

“Good. Nice.”

Erica grinned, like she was pleased Lucy liked her beach’s sand, and Lucy was glad she’d said something right.

She bent down again, and picked up more sand, just to see. She picked some up, then realized she probably shouldn’t be bending over so much, since doing so was making her dizzy.

She stopped, and looked around instead.