Losing Everything

Chapter 10.7

“So what now?” Erica said, from the sink, where she was rinsing the plates. “What are you going to do?”

“Oh,” Lucy said, suddenly dismayed. “Why? Do you want me to go?”

Erica turned around. “What?”

Lucy was worried. Erica had said she should stay for a while, but they hadn’t actually talked about how long a while was. Erica might only have meant a little of the morning, long enough for Lucy to get her head clear, and now Lucy might be outstaying her welcome.

“Do you want me to go?” Lucy said.

“No. Um, why?”

“Are you sure?”

“I said stay. So stay. Why, what’s wrong?”

Lucy was relieved. She shook her head. “Nothing,” she said. “I’m sorry. Just that sounded like…”

Erica waited.

“It sounded like you wondered when I was leaving,” Lucy said.

Erica seemed surprised. “No, you asshole,” she said. “Don’t be so paranoid. Stay as long as you want. Stay days. Weeks if you like. Whatever. I meant, what are you going to do now in your big plan for your life. What are you going to do about Bitmo. And about Jake?”

Lucy shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You should do something.”

“Yeah,” Lucy said. “I know.” She was tired. She was exhausted. She almost couldn’t be bothered moving, let alone dealing with Jake. She almost wanted just to lie down and sleep and not wake up for a year. “Fight back,” she said. “I suppose.”

Erica grinned. “There you go.”

“I ought to,” Lucy said, uncertainly, almost hoping Erica would talk her out of it.

“You can,” Erica said instead. “You should. Is there anything I can do?”

Lucy shook her head.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep,” Lucy said, and slid off the stool. Her phone was still in her pocket. She took it out and held it up. “I’ll go outside and try talking to some people.”

Outside, so she wouldn’t disturb Erica by talking while Erica worked.

Erica nodded. She seemed to be thinking, but perhaps not about Lucy making noise. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” she said, uncertainly.

“Talking to people?”

“Yeah. Are you sure it’s a good idea, given everything?”

“Everything?”

“Yeah, you know. Everything.”

Lucy wasn’t completely certain what Erica meant. “Not really sure,” she said. “But it’s all I can do, so…”

Erica hesitated, then said, “Yeah, I suppose so.”

“Okay,” Lucy said, and held up her phone. “So I’m going outside to do that.”

“Wait,” Erica said. “Hold on.” She dried her hands and then came around the counter and hugged Lucy quickly. “Good luck,” she said.

“I need it.”

Erica hugged Lucy again. This time she didn’t let go. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” she said.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Erica said, a little insistently.

“Yeah. And I ought to try doing something. Shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah you ought to try. But will you be okay if you do?”

Lucy suddenly realized what Erica meant. The bottle of vodka was still on the counter, somewhere behind Lucy. Erica was probably looking straight at it.

“I’ll be fine,” Lucy said, into Erica’s shoulder. “Talking to people, it’s bad, but not…”

She felt Erica’s face move, as Erica nodded. “But be careful anyway,” Erica said.

“I am. I will. But just talking, that’s fine. I’ve done this before.”

“Talking to people about being bankrupt?”

“Yeah,” Lucy said. “Of course. What do you think I’ve been doing all week?”

“Oh yeah,” Erica said, and squeezed Lucy again, and then let her go. “Okay. Well. I’ll be in here if you need me.”

“Thank you,” Lucy said, and stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went outside. She went out, and sat on Erica’s deck, in the breeze and the sun. She switched her phone back on, and then sat there looking at it for a while. There were two more messages already. She looked at the phone, and at the blue sea and blue sky, and then, once she could bring herself to, she started making calls.