Losing Everything

Chapter 3.5

Erica seemed worried, and Lucy wanted to hug her.

She wanted to hug Erica, except that she was still naked and was beginning to remember how to behave like a normal person again, enough to be faintly aware of politeness and that hugging might not really be the right thing to do, right then. And Erica seemed distracted anyway. She was watching the pile of clothes up on the beach as much as she was Lucy, and seemed very conscious of people going past. Because of the money, Lucy supposed. Or because Lucy was naked. One or the other. Lucy wasn’t sure which.

Lucy hesitated, wanting to hug, but also wondering if she should. Then she hugged Erica anyway. Because she thought that maybe she was in love with Erica, or at least, that she desperately needed her. And because Erica was good and kind and patient and the only person who still cared, and because Lucy had got Erica out of bed, completely unfairly, horribly early in the morning, and Erica had let her without complaining.

Lucy hugged Erica, and Erica jumped. She jumped when Lucy grabbed her. She must have been looking towards the beach and not seen Lucy reaching towards her. Then she said, “Oh,” and hugged Lucy back. She put her arms around Lucy and held her, and seemed not to mind that they were.

Lucy was glad. She floated in the sea, hugging, holding on, with her arms around Erica and her chest, achy with the cold water, pressing onto the warmth of Erica’s skin.

“I didn’t have a drink,” she whispered into Erica’s ear. She didn’t know if Erica would hear, over noise of the waves, but she said it anyway. “Not through all of this, not one.”

“That’s good,” Erica whispered back.

They floated a little longer.

“Hey,” Erica said after a while.

Lucy looked up.

“It’s going to start getting busy around here soon,” Erica said.

Lucy nodded.

“Really busy. Like families and lifeguards and I have no idea what.”

“Yep,” Lucy said, and let go of Erica.

“Maybe we should…” Erica said, and looked towards the beach.

Lucy nodded, and started wading back towards the shore.

She walked out the water, up to her clothes, and started to pull them on over wet skin. She’d dried a bit walking up the beach, but not very much. She felt cold now, and a little embarrassed. There were quite a few people around. She started to get dressed, and found it was actually fairly tricky. Her suit pants stuck to her damp legs, and wouldn’t pull on easily. Her shirt stuck to damp skin too, and sat oddly once her arms were in the sleeves, and felt clammy after it was buttoned up. She pulled on her jacket, and picked up her shoes, and put everything else back in her pockets. She wondered why she’d taken everything out in the first place, but couldn’t quite remember. She might have been checking what she had left, she supposed, making an inventory. She wasn’t quite sure.

Lucy dressed, struggling, and Erica just pulled her hoodie back on, and then was done.

Erica stood there, waiting, watching Lucy. Lucy wondered if she should point out that Erica was staring again, and then decided she probably shouldn’t.

She finished dressing, then stood there hugging herself, with her arms folded over her chest. Not because she was cold, especially. More because she was starting to think, and brood, and worry.

They stood there for a moment, looking at each other. The wind was cool, and the noise of the sea was loud. Erica kept looking at Lucy uncertainly, the way she had been in the water.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” Lucy said. “Really. Thank you heaps. But I’ll be okay now. You can go if you want.”

Erica didn’t seem sure. “What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where are you heading?”

Lucy shrugged.

“Are you okay?”

Lucy wasn’t sure what to say. “Not the best I’ve ever been.”

“Badly not okay?”

Lucy shrugged. “I’m okay. I’ll cope.”

Erica kept standing there. Mostly, she still just looked unsure.