All A Joke (Eren X Reader) {Modern AU}

\17/

Y/N POV

Friday night Jean had bought me home.  I had broken down in his car on the way home. I had felt like an absolute mess. I hadn't eaten for the rest of that day.

I didn't talk to my parents once I got home. I went to my room and just got into bed and cried. And I had ended up crying myself to sleep since I had felt so terrible. So dumb as well.

It is Sunday afternoon now and I still hadn't eaten much. I stayed in bed majority of the time. Just staring into nothing. I felt so broken. So betrayed. So hurt.

I didn't want to believe Eren didn't have pure intentions. But I guess he did. I was so hung up on the idea that he saw me in different light that I forgot about his true nature.

He hated me. There is no changing that. I don't know why I thought something would have been different. It felt easy to trust him. But I guess that wasn't true at all. He wasn't genuine with me

I don't even plan on going to school tomorrow. I just need s few days to recuperate. I've been a complete mess these past days.

There was a knock at my door. I assumed it was my dad coming to check on me. I didn't tell him what happened yet. I wasn't ready to.

My dad came into my room. "Hey sweetheart. You have a visitor. I'm going to let him in ok?" I didn't respond but I knew he was going to send, who I assume was Jean in.

He had came to see me midday yesterday to see how I was holding up and if I needed anything or if I wanted company. He stayed with him for about 3 hours until he had to leave.

I assumed Jean was back to do that exact same thing.

"Hey." That voice isn't Jean. It isn't Marco. It isn't Armin.

Its Eren.

I shot up from my bed and looked at him. Why was he here. Of all people why him. I didn't want to see him.

I started to fidget badly and began to mumble random things. This happened when I got very nervous. I felt like I wanted to cry too. I felt myself start to get sweaty. I was beginning to shake and my breathing was becoming unsteady. I was having a panic attack.

He shouldn't be here. I started backing up and I hit the wall and slid down and sat on the floor. I had my knees to my chest. I started scratching my wrist.

Eren started to walk towards me. I flinched and he spoke softly.

"Hey, I'm not gonna hurt you."

I kept sliding away from him until I was stuck between the wall, my desk and Eren.

He sat on the floor next to me and I tried to push him away. But he, of course, was much stronger than me.

He pulled me into his chest and ran his fingers through my hair. Then he started humming a song.

2 minutes passed by and he spoke up.

"I used to get bad panic attacks when I was younger. My mom used to do this to me." I had calmed down significantly. My breathing just wasn't as steady.

Once I collected myself I realized I was still by his chest and I stood up and walked across the room. It was easy to do that cause his grasp on me had softened significantly.

"Why are you here?" My voice sounded raspy.

"I wanted to apologize about Friday. I was going to apologize tomorrow but that seemed to far away for my liking if I'm being completely." He said.

Well it's just really weird over all.

"And how did you find out where I live?" I asked confused.

"Oh yeah, Historia told me. I told her it was important and she gave it to me. I hope that is Ok."

It's not ok but it happened. I didn't expect him to just show up like this.

He tried walking closer to me but I was looking around frantically and he stopped in his tracks. "Would me standing right here work better for you?" He asked me.

He was pretty much a solid 7 feet away from me. I nodded towards him and I sat on the floor. I was closest to the exit of my room. I felt better this way. He ended up sitting on the floor ad well.

Eren's POV

Me and Y/N Were sitting on the floor. About 7 or 8 feet apart from one another.

I was feeling guilty, but I learned Friday night I was only feeling guilty because I had gotten caught.

I wasn't Genuinely sorry but I felt obligated to apologize to her just because Armin was mad at me. 

"I'm really sorry about Friday. It wasn't fair to just keep you waiting there. It wasn't right to do that at all. Its inexcusable. I should have texted you or something."

I said to her. She just avoided eye contact with me. She was looking at the thumbs that she was fiddling around with on her lap.

This whole thing was tough. I didn't want to apologize go her but I was obligated to do so.

She wasn't saying anything so i continued.

"I would really like to get to know you though. No Bullshit this time. I want to learn about the authentic Y/N. We can start small jf you want. What do you say?" I asked her and She looked up and there was a hint on sorrow in her eyes.

"I... I would have to think about that. I can't give an answer now. I'm sorry. I'm back to square one with not trusting you. I dint think that's fair honestly." She said. Ughh

"I can't blame you for that. Whenever you are ready to I guess mingle again just let me know is all. I'll be here. It wasn't fair to you the way that I treated you. I really want to make it up to you."

Not really but Armin made me feel guilty. I have to get on his good side more than anyone.

"I don't think so Eren. It really hurt me that I waited that long. I don't know if you are genuine anymore. I really did trust you. I think you should leave." She said.

She was starting to fidget more and looked to be uncomfortable. And got up and opened her door.

"The offer will stay on the table. Whenever you want, I'll be here. Bye Y/N." I walked out of her room and to the front door. She still stayed her distance but she saw me walking out of the house.

I got to my car and started it up. I was frustrated over all. I laid my head on the steering wheel and just screamed lightly.

What even was that in there.

Why did I help calm her down when she was having a panic attack. Maybe cause I know how scary they are. Still I didn't need to hug her into me. Or run her hair through my fingers. What is going on with me.

I mean don't get me wrong. She looked absolutely horrible. She was in her pajamas still, she looked like she had been crying for days, looked like she didn't brush her hair in a few days either.

Yet it felt nice and calming to hold her. As weird as that sounds. It's just why would I feel something like that.

Maybe it has to do with the guilt trip that Armin is putting on me.

Maybe that's it.

This is all still so frustrating to be going through.

I guess we'll see how school goes tomorrow.