All A Joke (Eren X Reader) {Modern AU}

\64/

Y/N POV

I am now in counseling. 

I had realized a while ago that the way I was reacting when ever was coming over was a little unnecessary, that I would sometimes at night end up beating myself up about it happening. 

I remember the day I told Levi about it. It was a Friday when I had first walked into work.

"I think I want to get help." I said to Levi. 

"Well hello to you too. What help do you need?" He said looking at me. 

"Professional psychological help." 

"Oh... And what made you decide that?" He asked looking a little puzzled. 

"Eren has been coming in here for a few weeks now and I still have the same reaction every time when he comes in or think about him coming in. It is tiring. I want to grow as a person, I know what he did is unforgivable, but it happened so many years ago. I think it is time to move on." I said to him. I had been beating myself up about this for a few days now cause this all just hit me. 

"You know there is nothing wrong with the way you react right?" Levi said softly to me. 

"I know there isn't, but I see it as wrong, or more just abnormal... It isn't common for someone to react like this towards someone after what happened years ago." I said softly back. 

"I guess, but don't beat yourself up about it. You went through a traumatic experience. You put trust in someone and that fell apart, badly. Some get over things quicker than other. No one is saying you aren't acting rational when he comes in or anything. You sort of just shut down and need 10 minutes to yourself, and that's ok. If you want to get help, I'll be here to support you. Anything you need, I'll be there." He said to me. 

On occasions, Eren's little cousin would ask me questions here and there as to why I had reactions when I see them. 

His little cousin had also asked me a few times how I knew Eren. 

He would usually ask, "Did you go to school with Eren?" or he would ask, "Why do you freak out when we come in sometimes?" Something similar to those questions. 

Levi had brought up his questions to Eren one day when he came to pick up his cousin. He apologized for his behavior and said he would have a talk with him about it. 

I didn't take it to heart but sometimes I would tense up when he would ask questions like that out of the blue. The first time he asked a question like that I didn't know what to do at all. 

So Levi had gotten me out of that situation. Which I was very thankful for. 

It had been 5 weeks since I had been in counseling, I would meet with my therapist two times a week. Wednesday and Saturday. 

I had told them about what happened in high school, me leaving and running away, the college experience, and how I react with seeing Eren. 

It seems to be helping me, at least it seems like it has been. 

I'm also off from work on Wednesday and on Saturday, so that works out for me. Also Sunday but I don't have anything going on that day. 

I took those sessions to decompress from having to hide in the backroom when Eren would have to come in. 

The bad thing about setting the alarm, I can't wake up to that alarm anymore because then I wake up a little frantic. 

One day my dad woke up because of me stumbling around to hide cause I thought it was time to get away. 

I've change my alarm sound so that doesn't happen again. 

There is one thing my therapist wants me to try. And she wants me to tell Levi about this. To see if we are getting any where with these sessions. That it can be easy to say that these sessions are making you feel better, but to actually be in a situation that makes you feel a type of way, it can be different. 

So she wants me to try possibly interacting with Eren if I feel comfortable to do so. Which I think I am ready to do. I'm not saying I won't freak out or anything, but I think it is time I give it a go. See if things are going in the direction that I want them to go. 

It was now Monday and I am on my way to work. I told Levi about trying to talk to Eren as soon as my session ended on Saturday. 

He said that he was supportive on it and that whenever I wanted to be pulled out about it, that he would be there. 

I entered the tutoring facility and greeted Levi. 

"Hi Levi. How was the rest of your weekend?" 

"Relaxing. I cleaned around my place and talked with Hanji and Erwin. They have plans on coming soon." He said and I lit up when he mentioned the two of them. 

"Really?? They might me coming soon?? That's amazing. I can't wait for them to come over! I haven't seen them in so long!" I said getting overly excited. 

"Alright calm down. Regardless, are you going to try and talk to Eren today?" He said changing the mood. 

"Way to kill a mood Levi... but yes, I think I want to try talking to him today. But I think I would want you to tell him about it before I talk to him." I said feeling a little uneasy. 

"As much as I would want to, I can't agree. This is something I think you need to tackle on your own to grow. I'm not saying I am abandoning you, but what good does it do you if I tell him that you want to use him to get rid of past trauma." He said looking at me. 

"Yeah, I guess you are right, I just haven't faced him for a few weeks. I just get so scared when I think of it. Like who knows what is going to end up happening." 

"You are always going to be scared of something. No matter what, it'll happen, you just have to accept that life is never going to be going easy." He said to me. 

He was right, there is always going to be something that we will fear or be uneasy about. 

"You are right. I will just have to grow up eventually, I think I am ready for it."

"Good he'll be in at around 4. I'm sure you'll be fine by then. Hopefully. Now help me set this stuff up. We have quite a few appointments today." Levi said to me. 

Well lets just see how things go when Eren comes in.