All A Joke (Eren X Reader) {Modern AU}

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Y/N POV

He was having a panic attack. I knew that much. 

He was making me worried. 

So I thought back to what he told me a few years ago. 

I was very frightened myself. 

But he was having it much worse than me. 

I reached out for him. 

I sat on the couch propped up on my feet. 

I hugged him by his head. I brought him close to my chest. 

I held him tightly. 

My breathing wasn't steady at all, but that's because this was the first physical contact I've had with him in many years. 

I could feel him trying to push me off. 

Anything to get him to stop scratching his neck. 

And he did. 

He was using both hands to try and get me off.

He was much stronger than me. But I wasn't budging. 

He was freaking out at me touching him.

I felt him lightly trying to punch me off. 

One or two of them actually hurt, but I didn't let go. 

I couldn't let him suffer.

He had calmed down from trying to push me off of him.

But he was still going at it.

He began to cry. I could hear his sobs. 

I was running my hands through his hair. 

I remembered the song his mom hummed to him cause He hummed it to me a few times.

He was still struggling a bit but it wasn't as much. 

His breathing was still heavy and I could still hear his sobs. 

"Shhh... its ok... I'm here... You're ok Eren." I said softly to him. 

I then felt his arms wrap around me. 

He held me tightly while he was still crying. 

"I'm sorry" He said between sobs. 

I was still running my hands through his hair. 

I still didn't know what he was sorry about. 

"You're ok Eren." I said softly to him. Laying my head on the top of his. 

 I was still worried. 

What triggered his panic attack?

His sobs died down but there were still sniffles. 

He also didn't let go of me. 

I continued to run my fingers through his hair and held him tightly. 

"I'm sorry Y/N... I'm sorry for everything I did to you. For the way I treated you before. For breaking your heart. For causing you to run away. For making you suffer. For making you hurt. I'm sorry about it all. I don't deserve you in my life. I don't deserve a second chance of being in your life. I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve you. All I do is hurt you. I'm sorry... I don't mean to. I'm sorry." He said beginning to cry again. And he held me tighter. 

I couldn't say anything. 

So he's sorry about what happened back in high school. 

I couldn't get any words out.