All A Joke (Eren X Reader) {Modern AU}

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Eren POV 

Dumbass. 

Why would you say that? 

You aren't even dating her! 

I fucked up. 

I just said that out loud. 

I mean I knew I was speaking aloud, but I didn't know that that's what was going to come out of my mouth. 

I was still holding onto her tightly. 

"Eren..." She said softly. 

"I... um... I..." She tried continuing but I knew she just wasn't going to get anything out. She was flustered. I just dropped that on  her after our first official date. 

I just sighed, "I didn't mean that." 

Shit does that sound worse. 

"Fuck wait. I didn't mean to say that out loud is what I meant to say. It was just a thought in my head that shouldn't of had vocalized." I said to her. 

I feel so dumb right now and I'm beginning to get flustered myself. 

I was still holding onto Y/N. 

I think there is a lot we need to talk about. 

She seemed a little sluggish and I remember her saying something about this happens this time of year. 

"How about we talk in the car so we aren't out in the snow?" I said softly to her and she just nodded. 

I opened up the car door for her and she got in. 

This night is just weird. 

It sure has been a rollercoaster of events that I'm not really sure I liked. A lot happened tonight. 

For one I am really proud of her for handling seeing Mikasa really well. 

She even got sassy with her and wasn't going to put up with her. And then we had that one waitress who was hitting on me. Not cool. 

Especially when I am trying to show Y/N that all my attention is on her and only on her. I don't need some random girl making Y/N second guess me. 

I'm trying to cherish her and show her that I only want to cherish her. 

I only want Y/N. I don't want anyone else. 

I have to prove that to her. 

I mean my outburst not too long ago might prove to her that I only want her. 

But then she seemed really shocked by that and got flustered. 

I'm aware she doesn't feel that for me, or at least I don't think she does. Regardless, I don't think I should have said it at all. True or not. 

We were both in the car and I had started it up so we can warm up a bit. 

It was quiet for a bit, it was a little awkward. 

At least I was feeling awkward. 

"I'm actually really proud of you for not shutting down when you saw Mikasa. I want you to know though, I don't think you are bringing me down at all. You aren't worthless. Y/N, you mean the absolute world to me. What I did was fucked up those years ago, it is unforgivable, I know it is, but I really do genuinely care for you. You bring me so much happiness. You are my source of happiness. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I only want to put all my positive effort into you. I only want to make you feel happiness and joy when you are with me. I want to be someone you confide in and someone you look forward to seeing. You're someone I look forward to seeing. You make me so happy and make me feel something I know I haven't felt in a long time and that I know I won't feel with anyone else. I've accepted that you don't have strong feelings for me that I have for you."