HUNTER'S been calling me since last night and pinili kong i-ignore ang tawag niya. I am not discouraged or anything. I mean... I guess a little bit. Pero anong ine-expect niyo??? How do I deal with that problem?? He can't... He can't make his thing stand up!!!! Saka hindi lang yun ang dahilan kung ba't ayaw kong sagutin ang tawag niya. Di ko rin alam kung paano ko siya haharapin o kakausapin. Do I tell him that I already know? But I might just humiliate him!!! Do I just pretend I don't know? Ugh! I'm so confuse with how I feel right now.
"Okey ka lang?"
Napataas ako ng tingin nang marinig ang boses ni Caleb. Tumabi siya sa akin at inakbayan ako. Sumandal ako sa balikat niya at yumakap sa kanya. Napansin kong tumingin siya sa phone ko na nasa mesa nang umilaw iyun. Hunter's calling again.
"Nag-away kayo ng boyfriend mo?" Tanong niya.
I shrugged. "I guess. Pero di yan ang dahilan kung ba't di ko siya sinasagot."
"Then why? Sawa ka na sa kanya? He doesn't want to break up with you? Do you want me to scare him?"
I groaned. "No. Hindi yan ang problema ko. I love him. I just... I mean, we just have a small problem?" Hindi ko siguradong sagot.
"What problem? Is he married?"
Marahan ko siyang pinalo sa tiyan niya. "I mean, he used to be married pero divorced na sila. And hindi yan ang problema ko, okey? I don't know how to tell you. You might tell someone else."
He chuckled. "Hindi ako nagspe-spread ng tsismis, Lana. Just say it. I might be able to help."
Mas lalo kong siniksik ang sarili ko sa katawan niya saka seryoso akong nagtaas ng tingin sa kanya. "Did you... Did you ever have a problem with... You know... Getting yourself hard? Havin an erection?"
Kumunot ang noo niya. "I mean... Yeah. I guess? Sometimes I couldn't make myself hard when I'm drunk. It makes Lauren mad. I think most men have that problem sometimes. Why? Is that his problem?"
Nag-aalinlangan akong tumango. "I... I think he haa erectile dysfunction or something like that. He couldn't make himself hard at all." Nahihiya kong wika.
Natatawa niya akong tiningnan. "Are you serious?"
Pinalo ko siya muli sa tiyan niya. "I'm not joking!!! This is a real problem! Don't laugh!" Naiiyak kong sambit.
Mas lalo siyang tumawa. "Oh god. I can't help it." Aniya't tumawa na naman ulit. Sinubukan niyang pakalmahin ang sarili bago nagsalita. "Who is this man? Talaga bang mahal mo siya? Di mo kayang iwan? I mean, I don't think I can help you with that problem, Lana."
Bumusangot ako. "Then what do I do??? I really want him to be my first!!! Marami akong naging boyfriend pero never ko binigay ang sarili ko sa kanila!! I'm a fucking virgin!!! Gusto kong siya ang una at huli ko, Caleb!! Huhuhu..."
Natatawa niya akong hinila payakap sa kanya. "Oh, my poor sister." Aniya't hinagod ang likod ko.
Malakas akong umiyak. It's true!! I'm a virgin! That's my most precious posession, okey??? I wanted to give it to him last night that was why I was so fucking mad!!! I waited for that and it didn't happen and it might never happen!!! I never told my friends I'm still a virgin dahil baka pagtawanan nila ako. Ayaw kong magaya kay Shantal na lagi na lang nilang binibiro kaya nakikisakay ako sa mga sex talks nila kahit di ako maka-relate. And now, after Shantal got married, ako na lang ang natitirang virgin sa amin!!! If Hunter and I get married, I might stay a virgin for the rest of my fucking life!!!!! I'm so fucking disappointed!!! But can you blame me?
"What do I do Caleb?? How do we fix this??"
Huminga siyang malalim. "Do you really love him?"
Tumango ako sabay hikbi. "I love him so much."
