SINABI ko kay Rina ang problema namin ni Hunter. Tahimik lang siya habang nakikinig sa akin. Panay ang pag-iyak ko habang hinahagod niya ang likod ko. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili and to be honest, medyo gumaan ang pakiramdam ko ngayong may nakakausap ako tungkol dito.
Hinila ako ni Rina payakap sa kanya matapos kong magkwento. Bakas ang pag-aalala sa mukha niya.
"So... Di niya alam na alam mo?" Tanong niya pagkuway nang makitang kumakalma na ako.
I nodded. "But I really want to help him. Not just for my own sake but for our relationship's sake. Nasasaktan ako tuwing nakikita kong nasasaktan siya. He looks strong outside but he's weak, Rina. He's broken and wounded. Minsan hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Sobrang natatakot ako na baka may mangyari sa kanya habang wala ako. I love him more than I love myself and even I hurt him sometimes. When I saw him crying and hurting himself earlier... Parang sasabog ang puso ko sa lungkot, takot at pag-aalala para sa kanya. I feel so guilty. He only wanted to make me happy and I lashed out on him. I told him he couldn't provide my needs. He was crying even while he was falling asleep and he didn't even notice it. What do I do, Rina? How do I help him?"
Hinagod ni Rina ang likod ko. "I never thought I'd hear these from you. To be honest, I thought you're just playing. Hindi ko lang maimagine na handa kang magseryoso para sa isang lalaki. Listening to you now, I realize you're actually serious." Wika niya saka pinasandal niya ako sa balikat niya. "Sa totoo lang, di ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko sayo. But I think maybe you should tell him, Lana. You have to discuss this between you two.
Maybe he's trying to make himself better too. He's Hunter Arcello. He probably went to the doctors already. You have to listen to his side of story. He's scared. You have to show him he doesn't have to... That he can trust you. You need to open up to each other. Maybe that will help him. If you're right and he was psychologically traumatized in the past, that's probably the only solution. You can't help heal someone else's emotional wound, especially, not alone, Lana. All you can do is support him, be there with him while he helps himself. So tell him. Tell him and make sure you express clearly that you understand and that you will stay beside him while he is fighting to get better. Communication is key to any relationship. You should know that by now."
Tell him? But how? How do I tell him? I'm too scared. Baka masaktan ko lang siya pag nalaman niyang alam ko ang tungkol sa kondisyon niya. Kahit isang beses di ako natakot sa kahit anong problemang kinakaharap ko dati. I am feeling a lot of emotions for the first time since I met Hunter. I don't know how to handle them.
"Don't be scared about flipping your relationship upside down if you have the right intention. Keeping secrets and not communicating your concerns will only hurt you both more than telling the truth, Lana. Kailangan mo rin namang mag-risk kahit ano pa ang maging desisyon mo. Why not risk for the best? Right?"
Hindi ako nagsalita. I understand her point. Maybe she is right. Siguro mas makakabuti sa amin ang magsabi ng totoo but that takes a lot of strength. I need time. Not now. He's still unstable. Baka mas makalala lang sa problema kung ngayon ako mago-open up sa kanya.
SABAY na kami ni Rina na nagtungo sa taas. I feel so much better after talking to her. She's surprisingly good at advice.
"You should sleep. Don't think too much." Ani Rina at hinalikan ako sa pisngi.
I hugged her. "Thank you."
Papasok na sana siya ng kwarto niya nang biglang makarinig kami ng malakas na sigaw mula sa kwarto ko. Gulat kaming napatingin sa isa't isa bago ako mabilis na tumakbo papunta roon. Sumunod sa akin si Rina. I shouldn't have left Hunter alone. Oh god. What if something happened to him??
