I should go > l.s

Part 9

By the end of the movie they were both in tears as they made the bad decision of watching 'the notebook' but in all honesty it was great to just sit there holding eachother close.

Louis' POV

"Harry would you like to go to the local cafe? We should hurry up and go now" Stan is behind Harry and I swear to god if anything happens to Harry again I will commit a crime.

Harry didn't answer and just stood there staring at me like I had three heads so I practically dragged him out the door and towards he car while he was hysterically laughing and questioning me, I couldn't help but laugh when he tripped over the pavement and stumbled right into my chest.

"Heyyyyy don't laugh at me" he pouted "you're the one who dragged me to the car" he said trying to contain his giggles. I smiled, booped his nose, then sat him in the passenger side and put his crutches in the back and not-long after I got in and put the keys in the ignition.

Once we were on the road he crossed his arms and looked at me with a stern look "what was that about?" Shit, I was hoping he wouldn't ask. "I saw Stan there and I didn't want anything to happen to you" i replied sincerely not recognizing the fearful look in his eyes.

"I wasn't going to tell you but I want you to trust me and I now realize that for that to happen I need to tell you everything, I want you to know that I will never lie to you and I care about you so much" I gave him a hopeful smile, hoping he didn't hate me.

He took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. If this is what being in love feels like then lord help me.

Harry's POV

We were later seated in a booth at the beachwood cafe, knees knocking and fingers intertwined as the waitress walked over to our table this is the moment I've been dreading.

"Hello boys how may I help you" she said with a warm smile, she's pretty, I wish I were like her, I wish I could eat a meal without worrying about my weight, or checking the calories in everything I eat.

"I'll just have a hot chocolate please and thank you" I briefly smiled at the lady patiently waiting for Louis to order. "I'll have the Yorkshire tea please" she nodded as she scribbled something on her notepad and walked away.

The rest of the date went well, we just stayed in the booth for a few hours catching up and making small talk, I learned that he doesn't find my jokes that funny and he learned that I have four nipples, yes that came up in conversation.

Once I got home I decided to tell Amelia and James that I ate even tho I haven't because I have been eating a lot recently and am gaining a lot of weight.

I went straight to bed after texting Louis for a bit and telling him goodnight, I think I really like him.

The rest of the holidays went by as a blur, me and Louis hung out a lot but it was mainly just at the cafe or the local park, he did invite me over on his birthday but my depression was being a bitch and I couldn't even get out of bed, thankfully he understood and wasn't rude about it.

It's the night before school starts again, Louis is gonna start being mean again, I can't breathe, why can't I breathe?

I get up from my bed and start pacing around my room.

Why can't I breathe?

It's cause you don't deserve to breathe

It's because you're ugly

"No!" I scream, James and Amelia are out tonight.

It's because you're worthless

"No stop, please stop!" I start sobbing as I throw items off my desk, I grab the photo of me and my mom off my desk without thinking and throw it across the room, it shatters into pieces.

It's because you deserve to die

"Stop!" I scream into my arms as I slide down my wall "shut up shut up" I start pulling on my curly locks.

You're pathetic

"Shut the fuck up!" I scream

Go cut

I lift my head from my arms and slowly get up from the floor I was sobbing on, stop Harry don't do it you're doing so well "shut up and let me do what I want" I sob pathetically as move lifelessly to the bathroom and grab the razor from the bathroom counter.

I bring it to my wrist and try to steady my hand, I can't even hold a razor that's how pathetic I am.

I slowly guide the razor across my wrist, I'm not crying anymore, nor am I shaking. I'm calm. The blood pours out of my wrist and it's almost beautiful, I add three more cuts and I watch the blood pour out and onto the bathroom floor, I should probably clean that up before James and Amelia get home.

After wrapping my wrist with some of the bandages I packed in my bag before getting taken to this foster home I grabbed a punch a toilet paper and started wiping the floor down and then flushed the now bloody paper down the toilet and put my razor securely in it's case.

I finally get to sleep after letting my brain calm down, cutting really helped. I just hope tomorrow is a good day, I really hope it is.

••••••••

"Why the fuck were you hanging out with that fag?" I hear Stans voice and look around from the locker I was standing at the see Louis and Stan having what appeared to be a heated conversation.

"You actually think I would hangout with that fag? You think that low of me Stan" Louis chuckles and I feel a stab to my heart "he's just a low life and I was using his vulnerability to get close to him, you know Stan, it's easier to ruin his life like that" another blow "he genuinely thinks I like him" the final blow.

Slowly, I rise from behind the lockers only to make eye contact with Stan "well your boy toy is standing right there Tommo" Stan chuckles and Louis whips his head around to look at me like with sorrow in his eyes. Bullshit.

"H-Harry it's not what you think it is please just trust me h-" he's cut off by Stan "you mean to say you aren't using him to make yourself more popular?" Louis looked like he didn't know what to say and honestly neither did I, but I did know what I had to do.

"I should go" I said rather calmly compared to what I was about to do, I turned around and ran out of the school with Louis screaming my name behind me.

James and Amelia are at work today so I shouldn't have anyone in my way, I was running awfully fast considering I just got my cast removed. the wind was hitting my face comfortingly enough, it felt refreshing, it's nice, running, I felt free.

As I got closer to my house I slowed down and started taking my keys out of my pocket, yes I have a house key. They gave it to me once I got to their house.

I finally got to the door and was shaking so much that it took me a few tries before I could finally get the key in the lock and when I got inside my heart was racing and I shut the door behind me without locking it and ran up the stairs.

I arrived in the washroom and opted of three different ways I could do this, then I decided. I stared filling up the bathtub and as it filled I grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled a simple thank you, I know what your thinking, that's all? Well I don't have many people to write a letter to do I? I barely know James and Amelia, and well, I thought I knew Louis but I guess not.

I turned around and realized the bathtub was full, I took a deep breath and stepped inside, the warm water reaching a little bit up my calve, I sat down in the water before taking a final breath and sinking my head under the water, this is it.