The Magic in Schitts Creek (Originally Named: Schitts Creek)

Carl's Funeral: 2

Third POV

"John, you're speaking at the funeral?" Moira chided as they walked down the street. His jaw tightened as he shifted the weight of the groceries from one side to the other.

"The man was weeping. What was I supposed to do?" He responded. John turned to Moira for a response and felt a bit of anger boil.

"You take his hands in yours, you look him in the eye, and say, "No." She shook her head and Johnny scoffed.

"What do you say about a guy who you couldn't care less about?" John changed the subject slightly. 

"Oh, it's Gord what's-his-name's funeral all over again." Moira reminisced. Johnny furrowed his eyebrows.

"Who's Gord what's-his-name?" He asked.

"Exactly. He was some sort of crew person on Sunrise Bay." She explained, " I made an obligatory appearance at the service and his hysterical girlfriend cornered me into saying a few words. I didn't have a thought in my head, so I just stood up and sang 'Danny Boy'. Not a dry eye in the house." The two walked further in silence and went inside their room. They saw Evan leaning back in the chair sleeping. The chair was on a tilt and soon fell with a loud thump.

"Ow." Evan groaned out. He stood up and rubbed the back of his head wincing. Johnny and Moira still watched silently as he grabbed all of his things and put them in neat piles. He clicked the lock on his trunk and it sprang open. He put the stuff in and turned around.

"Let me help you," Evan said finally noticing them. Johnny gave him the bag and sat on the bed with a huff. Evan raised an eyebrow but kept unpacking.

"I assume you spoke to Bob and he asked you to say a few words?" Evan guessed. Johnny nodded and hid his face in his hands. Evan chuckled and continued to put the food away.

"How did you know?" Moira asked. Evan smirked and rolled his eyes.

"It's easy, really. His body language and facial expressions are very out there."Evan threw the bag away and leaned against the table with his arms crossed. 

"Tell me what happened." Johnny launched into the full story. As John spoke, he felt the familiar prodding sensation in his head. He saw Evan's eyes glazed over for a brief moment and the sensation go away. Evan scoffed once he finished his story.

"Just don't screw it up. Carl was actually really cool and I don't want to save your butt, again." Evan stalked off to the bathroom.

Evan  POV

I changed into my black suit and slipped my wand into my wrist holster. I sighed and walked out to my parents. They were just waking up. I wordlessly passed them and went to Roland. He was picking me up to go to the church early. 

Hours later, I was comforting the ex-wives. Harry, another pallbearer, motioned for me to come over. I assumed that it was time. I met them in the back and we closed the coffin so we could carry it out. The six of us picked the coffin up by the handle and put it on our shoulders. Solemn music started to play and the doors swing open. We started to move slowly to the altar. We then set it down and opened the coffin before walking to our seats.

My parents came in and sat next to me with Bob in the front. I offered Bob a small smile and looked back at my folded hands. My mother's hand tapped my knee.

"Yeah?" I whispered. She tilted my head up.

"Are you okay? You seem a bit down." She asked. I felt the corner of my lips turn up but they pressed into a frown.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just reminding me of my mum's funeral." I looked to Carl's coffin as the two became immersed in a conversation with Bob. The priest started his speech moments later.

------

"Thank you for that, Shannon. Nothing says 'We'll miss you' than an excerpt from Breaking Dawn. One of Carl's favorites of the Twilight movies." The priest stood at the podium, "Now, to say a few words, I'd like to bring up a close friend and one of Carl's personal heroes. Johnny Rose." I looked down and stifled a laugh. Dad went up to the altar as a baby in the back started crying.

"Thank you, Minister." He started uncomfortably, "Carl. What to say about Carl? Once so full of life and now lying very, very close to me." I buried my head into my mother's shoulder.

"What a terrible thing death is, and yet, for Carl, pretty much an all-consuming thing at this point. He was a... He was a man who loved...a good sweater, I'm told. And he loved the feel of a big tool in his hand, am I right, Bob? And I wonder when Carl was spinning on that ceiling fan that he was so very proud of, was he ever thinking of this town? Where he was born, where he lived, and where he died..where he died. But I, I'm not up here today to speak about dying in Schitt's Creek. I'm, I'm here... I'm." Some woman interrupted.

"Where the hell are you, Sean?" She shouted into the phone. 

"At a bar?" She said incredulously. I let out a low whistle.

"If anyone should be at a bar right now, it's me." We all turned and stared at her.

"F**k, Sean!" She hung up, "Excuse me." She stormed out of the church. I turned back to dad and one look at him had me sneaking over to the piano. I nudged the guy out of the way and started to play. 

(Not mine)

Everyone stood up and put their heads down and listened to me as I played. 

o0o

I stood in front of my parents when Dad leans over.

"So I'm thinking to myself, 'Oh God, what if I die here?' But then Ev came, who knew you could play!" He said. I glared at him sharply.

"Mm, that was not lost on anyone." Mother waved at Ronnie, "Uh, let's pilfer a few sandwiches and make a gracious French exit." I rolled my eyes and stuffed my hands into my pockets. They grabbed some sandwiches and I just looked at my shoes. 

"Evan," I looked up and so did my parents, "Your song, what a tune." I nodded shyly.

Yeah, I'd really like you to play at my cousin's funeral. She's not dead, but she's been coughing a lot lately." Roland told me as a crowd gathered.

"Evan, before they close the coffin, one more song for Carl?" He begged. My eyes softened as I nodded in compliance. Everyone clapped.

"Take your time, bub." Dad pats me on the shoulder as I walked to the piano and started playing.