The Magic in Schitts Creek (Originally Named: Schitts Creek)

Bad Parents:1

 I sat in the room reading The Daily Prophet; which was disguised to be the muggle paper. Father was folding his jackets while Mother filled out some sort of form. 

"David? Could you come here please?" He called. No answer. He tried again as mother sipped her tea and I sipped a cup of coffee. Father called David once more.

"What?" David responded finally. 

"Well come in here and I'll tell you." I put down the paper and crossed my arms. The two got into a short disagreement before Father gave in and asked David to remove his shirts from the hangers. He turned to Mother for assistance but she called for Alexis. Mother waited. When no response came, I took matters into my own hands.

"Oh my god! Where did you hear that?" I called. Alexis came running.

"I need you to fill this out please." She handed the papers to her. I gave my chair to her so she can sit down. She started to complain before it was discovered that the little bit she had to fill was her middle name!

"All that's missing is my middle name," Alexis stated. I furrowed my eyebrows and put down the paper. I walked and looked over her shoulder. It dawned on Alexis that they don't know her middle name.

"Do you not know my middle name?" She asked. I frowned disappointed as they were hesitant to answer her.

"Of course I do! I blessed you with it!" Mother stated outrageously. I turned to Father.

"Do you know mine?" I asked him while Alexis spoke. He looked at me and couldn't answer. My lips pressed into a thin line. I scoffed and left to go read at the diner.

Third POV

Johnny and Moira sat in the room alone. Moira spoke from the makeup table.

"Have we failed them, John?" She asked her husband, "Are we terrible parents?" She attempted to dry the nail polish on her hands. Johnny put the newspaper down.

"Terrible parents? We sent them to the best boarding schools, hired the best nannies. We did everything right." Johnny responded. Moira gave him a look.

"I mean, they're not overly affectionate with us, Evan has no affection at all." He admitted, "And there's a lot more disrespect than I'd like but we're good parents." The two became to immerse themselves into deep thought.

"But who are they?" Moira asked. Johnny looked up. He sighed and looked at Moira.

"Well, it might be nice to get to know them better, I suppose." Johnny huffed. Johnny thought of his youngest son. He desperately wants to know him. 

"Wouldn't it, John?" Moira snapped him out of his thoughts. 

Evan POV

I slouched in my seat at the café. I felt so disappointed in my parents.

"It's times like these I wish mum was alive and I was home." I sighed to myself. The door opened and the two people who I didn't want to see walked in. I rolled my eyes as they came over. I moved over and they sat down. I tensed as Father wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I pushed it off.

"Touch me again," I growled. His arm fell limp to his side. We sat in silence. I caressed the necklace as I looked at the menu avoiding looking at the company. 

"So?" Mother asked, "How are you?" I looked up at her.

"Horribly disappointed in the both of you and wishing I never met you." I bluntly stated. They looked at me offended. Twyla came to our table and dropped off what I had ordered. The two were in some sort of conversation until he turned slyly to the waitress. I grabbed onto his arm as I had a sinking feeling he was going to do something stupid.

"Twyla," he cast a glance at Mother, " Do you get along with your parents?" I knew she was going to tell us a story so I sat straight and put on my best pureblood manners.

"I did." She said firmly. I zoned out but acted as if I was listening. Once she finished, I gave a polite smile. They turned to me.

"You weren't listening, we're you?" Father asked. I smirked.

"Nope." I popped the 'p'. I started to eat. I ignored them and left. I strolled to the motel and pulled out a picture of mum. Her silver hair cascaded down her back as she ruffled my four-year-old black hair as I rode on my uncle's back. I opened the door to the motel and grabbed my photo album from my trunk. I stared at the many photos and relived the many memories. Mother and Father walked in and I snapped the book shut.

"What was that?" They asked.

"Nothing," I said. The two shared a look and pulled me into the next room. I sat between Alexis and David. I squirmed and looked around. Mother sat in a chair eyeing me carefully. Father spoke.

"Your mother and I have been talking and we've realized that we've not been very good parents." I looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. I wanted to explode with joy but I kept a neutral expression.

"Sadly, and most of the time, we have no interest in what's going on with you." Mother said. I buried my face in my hands. Father tried to fix her mistake.

"We have no idea, she means no idea." He stated quickly. Father cleared his throat firmly, "We have lost touch as a family. And if we're going to get through this ordeal together, we have got to get reacquainted." I started to caress the scar on my jaw nervously. 

"Now, back at Rose Video, we had management retreats where we would play fun team-building exercises to break the ice." 

"You also had company-wide spa days. Why don't we try that?" David cut in. I rolled my eyes and started poking through Alexis's memories as Father spoke. While poking around, I came across a memory of 17-year-old Alexis in Thailand with a drug dealer. I inwardly smirked knowing that she was going to use this.

"-an Evan!" Mother shouted. I grunted softly, "Your turn." 

"Uhm, my eyes are red, I once had half of my skull smashed in and went comatose for a week, and I like to play Quiditch," I said nervously. Their jaws dropped after they processed the information and Mother darted forward and started to turn my head. Father pointed at me.

"You and I are not finished with this conversation." He told me.

"There is no conversation." I groaned and we resumed the game. 

"Okay, my turn, my turn." She looked up, "Okay, my eyes are brown, I am basically sample-size, and I once escaped from a Thai drug lord's car trunk by bribing him with s**." She said. Father sighed and looked at her.

"Right idea, honey, but you know what? It's gotta be more challenging for everybody-" 

"Her eyes are aqua." Mother spoke. Father's eyes were as wide tea saucers. It took a lot not to laugh.

"You did what?" He shouted. I flinched at the sudden loud noise. While they argued, I went back to the room that I slept in and grabbed a book. I sat cross-legged on my trunk and started to read. My parents stormed into the room and Father started speaking frantically. I put my book down and walked over. I guided him to a chair and got him a glass of water. 

"You need to relax." I sat back on the trunk. He looked at me incredulously. 

"My daughter just told me that she bribed a drug lord with s** and you've broken your skull and went into a coma and you want me to relax?!" He shouted. I snorted and looked at him with a smirk.

"I've done worse," I commented. He raised an eyebrow and mother looked curious.

"Like what?" She asked. A stupid grin appeared on my face.