The Magic in Schitts Creek (Originally Named: Schitts Creek)

Estate Sale: 5

"And sold!" Ray banged the gavel, "To Johnny Rose, for the price of $15! Which uh, I hope you can afford. You know, considering your financial situation." Evan gave Ray a stern glare and shook his head slowly.

"Yeah, I get it, Ray, I get it. I've got cash, and I'd just like my cufflinks, please." Johnny was getting annoyed with the man as well. Ray glanced at the wizard, who was gripping Moira's hand tightly, and got the message.

"And now, moving onto bedroom items. First, we'll have a brand new queen-sized memory foam mattress. We'll start the bidding on the bed at fifty dollars." Evan leaned over to his stepmother.

"I have a limit of 28 galleons." She looked at him in confusion. Evan scoffed, "190 U.S. dollars." Linden removed Evan's hat and placed it on her head. It covered her eyes. She smiled and looked up at her father with a grin. Evan smiled and conjured a smaller hat in his hand. He removed his hat and placed the other on her head. Linden let out a happy giggle. Jocelyn raised her hand.

"We have $50!" Ray smiled.

"$60!" Moira shouted.

"Moira," Johnny said in a warning tone. She shushed him.

"Ooh, I smell a bidding war. Do we have $70?" Ray's eyebrows raised excitedly.

"$70!"

"$70! Do I have $75?" Evan looked down at his lap smiled. Linden looked up and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Moira, what are you doing?" Johnny asked.

"We are currently sleeping on a rectangular collection of knives and barbed wire, John." Evan felt an uneasy feeling settle in his stomach.

"$75, do we have $80?" 

"$80!"

"$90!"

"Moira," Johnny said again, "We can't afford this!"

"You got the cufflinks! Besides, my stepson so graciously offered to pay." Johnny scoffed and rolled his eyes. He and Evan both leaned back in their chairs, "You did this!" He whisper-shouted. Evan stuck his tongue out at him.

"$90! Do we have $100?" Ray asked.

"$100!''

"You just bid against yourself!" Evan looked at her incredulously.

"Do I hear $105?"

"Do you remember what we used to sleep on?" Moira asked her husband, "Texas Kings!"

"$130!" Jocelyn shouted.

"Wow, $130! Do I hear $135?" Ray stared at Moira excitedly.

"$140!"

"$150!"

"$160!"

"Moira, I'm begging you!" Johnny pleaded.

"Oh, she has a decent bed, John. She's just being greedy!" Moira replied. Linden shook her head and banged it into Evan's chest. He stopped her by placing his hand on her forehead to use it as padding.

"$165, anyone?" Ray looked around.

"$170!" Moira yelled.

"You did it again!" The elder male of the trio scolded.

"I know what I'm doing!" She looked back at the podium.

"$170! $180?"

"Ray, I think we're done here!" Johnny spoke up.

"$180!"

"$180! Do I hear $190?"

"One-nine..." She looked at Evan, "Two hundred!"

"$200! Wow, Mrs. Rose. You're really going for it, which is surprising--" Johnny stood up in fury.

"Yeah, Ray, you know what, that was just a joke bid, so." He smiled embarrassedly at the guests.

"Oh, I understand. Unfortunately that joke bid is currently our highest at $200!"

===

Harold Cooper limped down the steps into the war room.

"We got a new lead." Ressler called up to him. They all turned to the screens to the smirking 11-year-old boy.

"Evan Gaunt. Born 1999 to unknown and Johnny Rose. He called in a domestic disturbance in 2003. Turns out, his mother was murdered. Her death was ruled unknown. Evan was sent to live with his father here in the US and went off the grid when he was Eleven. This was the earliest picture we had." Aram said.

"Damn, that must've been traumatic." Samar crossed her arms.

"Any idea where he is now?" Cooper asked.

"Schitts Creek."