My Rocket Ship: Nikki Sixx

Chapter 34: I Can't

I feel my nostrils flaring as I let out a frustrated breath.

"It's not a so called relationship." I say "it's real! We really do love each other, and if that's to hard for you to comprehend then-"

"Kaia!" My mom shouts at me, then points towards the living room "I need to talk to you privately."

I huff and cross my arms before standing up and following her to the living room as everyone watches us.

"What it is it you can't say in there mom?" I ask as I plop down on the couch.

She stands above me as I try to wipe the black off from under my eyes.

She puts her hands on her hips and shakes her head "I can't-" she begins "I can't even believe this Kaia. What are you doing?"

"You heard the story mom." I say "it just happened." I told her "he didn't force me into anything, this is a choice I made on my own."

"When and it comes to a man in his forties and a teenage girl it doesn't work like that." She says "he took advantage of you, period."

I let out a frustrated groan "no he didn't mom! It wasn't like that!"

"And your father!" She goes on "he can't know about this." She shakes her head "it would ruin him."

"Ruin him?" I ask standing "I'm the one with the broken heart here!"

"You don't know what it's like to have children Kaia, your dad would never look at you the same way." She says.

"What are you even talking about?" I shout "don't act like he's the victim! After all of the years of shit he's put this family through!"

"You don't think I know that! It didn't hurt anyone as much as it hurt me." She defends.

"I know! I was there and it sucked! He's not the victim here mom! He can't even pay enough attention to his daughter to pick up on these things. He let it happen!" I explain.

"You've hid it from him this entire time?" She asks.

"I didn't have to hide anything from him!" I say "he doesn't pay enough attention to me to notice anyway! All he cares about are his stupid girlfriends!"

She sighs "I know that's a big part of his life yes, but that doesn't mean he's been a bad father to you."

"Well he wasn't a good husband!" I say "so I've already lost respect for him there. Why did you let him bring so many women into my life like that?"

"Because I thought maybe, just maybe if he's happy then all of our pain would finally go away." She defends.

"And look how that worked out." I say "so don't lecture me on hurting him, because he's already hurt me enough."

"He's your father Kaia! You should respect him!" She says.

"How can I? He has a problem, we all know that! It's effected all of us, maybe it's effected this relationship. But it was a happy one up to this point." I say.

"I can't just go on knowing this! And having to keep it inside every time I see him." She says.

"Like you said yourself this would ruin him mom. Please don't tell him, it would ruin everything!" I say.

"You don't think your getting back together with him do you?" She asks.

"Of course" not I say in a quiet "but let's not make things any worse by telling dad."

She presses her lips together and taps her foot in thought before saying "fine, but if I hear from the girls in their that you so much as talked to him again, you will have your father to answer to."

"Fair enough" I huff.

***

The tattle tail women left shortly after me and my moms argument, all patting her back as if she's the one who needs comforting.

I hate everything.

I fell in love with a man twice my age in a month, I mean who does that?

And not to mention he's married, however up until today I thought he was getting a divorce.

All I can do is hope he's in more pain than me, hope he knows he's gonna be alone now.

I call Rose after I slammed the door to my room shut, and asked her what she was packing for the trip.

Surely my mom would still let me go, the farther away from Nikki the better.

Right?

***
3 a.m.

I'm awakened by a loud buzzing sound, I rub my eyes and quickly realize it's my phone.

Nikki it reads.

Of course.

I breath in and hold it for a while contemplating if I should answer or not.

I may not have another opportunity like this I think.

And before any other thoughts cross my mind I answer it.

"Nikki?" I ask if in shaky voice.

"Hey" he says, his voice sounding raspy.

"Why did you call me?" I ask.

"I wanted to apologize" he says "you were right, I let you think something different from the truth."

"How big of you" I say sarcastically.

"That's not the only reason though" he goes on "my feelings for you haven't changed."

"Maybe that's cause it's been 12 hours" I say.

"No, no" I imagine him shaking his head "it's not to late for us."

"It kinda is" I say.

"Come" he says "I'll make it up to you on the tour, just come."

"I can't" I squeak feeling the warm tears begin to form in my eyes "it's not right."

"Yes it is." He says "I love you, and I wanna be with you. It's right."

The tears start to drop down my face "no it's not."

"Why not?" He challenges.

"Because you broke my heart!" I cry "and I can't forgive you."

"Well I'm still not gonna stop till you do." He says.

I shake my head "you don't understand."

"I think I do." He says "I will earn your trust back."

"You really don't" I say then pause before letting out "Nikki they know."

"What? Who knows?" He asks.

"Your first wife for one." I say then add on "and her friend Bobbie, and my step mom, and my mom."

"Are you the one who told them?" He asks.

"I would never!" I defend "Brandi caught us Nikki, she caught us in the act. I couldn't deny it."

"Fuck!" He yells "does your father know?"

"No and he's not going to." I say "don't worry no one else is gonna find out about me since I'm one of your dirty little secrets."

"No Kaia that's not what-"

"Just do yourself a favor and don't call me again." I say before hanging up on him and crying myself asleep.

But he did call again, for 2 weeks straight.

He called me all the time up until I left for Europe, and texted too.

I didn't answer though, and had no intention to anytime soon.