Emma Potter; Going to War

31: Confusing Christmas

Was this why Dumbledore would no longer meet our eyes? Did he expect to see Voldemort staring out of them,afraid, perhaps, that our respective vivid green and hazel might turn suddenly to scarlet,with catlike slits for pupils? 

I remembered how the snakelike faceof Voldemort had once forced itself out of the back of Professor Quirrell's head, and I ran my hand over the back of my own, wonderingwhat it would feel like if Voldemort burst out of my skull. . . .

 I felt dirty, contaminated, as though I were carrying somedeadly germ, unworthy to sit on the underground train back from thehospital with innocent, clean people whose minds and bodies werefree of the taint of Voldemort. . . .We had not merely seen the snake, we had been the snake, we knew it now. . . .

 And then a truly terrible thought occurred to me, a memory bobbing to the surface of my mind, one that made my insides writhe andsquirm like serpents. . . . 

"What's he after apart from followers?" 

"Stuff he can only get by stealth . . . like a weapon. Something he didn'thave last time."

we're the weapon, I thought, and it was as though poison werepumping through my veins, chilling me, bringing me out in a sweatas I swayed with the train through the dark tunnel. We're the one Voldemort's trying to use, that's why they've got guards around us everywhere we go, it's not for our protection, it's for other people's, only it's not working,they can't have someone on us all the time at Hogwarts. . . . we did attackMr. Weasley last night, it was us, Voldemort made us do it and he couldbe inside us, listening to our thoughts right now. . . . 

"Are you all right, Emma, dear?" whispered Mrs. Weasley, leaningacross Ginny to speak to me as the train rattled along through itsdark tunnel. "You don't look very well. Are you feeling sick?" 

They were all watching me. I shook my head violently andstared up at an advertisement for home insurance.

 "Emma, dear, are you sure you're all right?" said Mrs. Weasley in aworried voice, as we walked around the unkempt patch of grass inthe middle of Grimmauld Place. "You look ever so pale. . . . Are yousure you slept this morning? You go upstairs to bed right now, andyou can have a couple of hours' sleep before dinner, all right?"

 I nodded; here was a ready-made excuse not to talk to any of theothers, which was precisely what I wanted, so when she opened thefront door I proceeded straight past the troll's leg umbrella stand andup the stairs and hurried into my and Ginny's bedroom.Here I began to pace up and down, past the two beds , my brain teeming and seething with questions and ever more dreadful ideas. . . . 

How had we become a snake? Perhaps we were Animagi. . . .No, we couldn't be, we would know. . . . perhaps Voldemort was anAnimagus. . . . 

Yes,I thought , that would fit, he would turn intoa snake of course . . . and when he's possessing us, then we all transform. . . . That still doesn't explain how come we got to London and backto our beds in the space of about five minutes, though. . . . But thenVoldemort's about the most powerful wizard in the world, apart from Dumbledore, it's probably no problem at all to him to transport peoplelike that. . . . 

And then, with a terrible stab of panic I thought, but this is insane — if Voldemort's possessing us, we're giving him a clear view into theheadquarters of the Order of the Phoenix right now! He'll know who's inthe Order and where Sirius is . . . and we've heard loads of stuff we shouldn'thave, everything Sirius told us the first night we would here. . . .There was only one thing for it: We would have to leave Grimmauld Place straightaway. We would spend Christmas at Hogwartswithout the others, which would keep them safe over the holidays atleast. . . .