Emma Potter; Going to War

19: Cramps and a Headache

The morning delivery owls had just gone for some well-deserved sleep when Zoe let out a huge gasp and flattened the newspaper to reveal a large photograph of Dolores Umbridge, smiling widely and blinking slowly at us from beneath theheadline:

 MINISTRY SEEKS EDUCATIONAL REFORMDOLORES UMBRIDGE APPOINTED FIRST-EVER "HIGH INQUISITOR"

 " 'High Inquisitor'?" said Nicholas darkly, his half-eaten bit of toastslipping from his fingers. "What does that mean?" 

I read aloud: 

"In a surprise move last night the Ministry of Magic passed new legislation giving itself an unprecedented level of control at Hogwarts School ofWitchcraft and Wizardry.

 " 'The Minister has been growing uneasy about goings-on at Hogwarts for some time,' said Junior Assistant to the Minister, Percy Weasley. 'He isnow responding to concerns voiced by anxious parents, who feel the schoolmay be moving in a direction they do not approve.'"

This is not the first time in recent weeks Fudge has used new laws toeffect improvements at the Wizarding school. As recently as August 30thEducational Decree Twenty-two was passed, to ensure that, in the event ofthe current headmaster being unable to provide a candidate for a teachingpost, the Ministry should select an appropriate person. 

" 'That's how Dolores Umbridge came to be appointed to the teachingstaff at Hogwarts,' said Weasley last night. 'Dumbledore couldn't find anyone, so the Minister put in Umbridge and of course, she's been an immediate success —' "

 "She's been a WHAT?" said Zoe loudly."Wait, there's more," said Nicholas grimly. 

" '— an immediate success, totally revolutionizing the teaching ofDefense Against the Dark Arts and providing the Minister with on-theground feedback about what's really happening at Hogwarts.' 

"It is this last function that the Ministry has now formalized with thepassing of Educational Decree Twenty-three, which creates the new position of 'Hogwarts High Inquisitor.'" 'This is an exciting new phase in the Minister's plan to get to gripswith what some are calling the "falling standards" at Hogwarts,' saidWeasley. 'The Inquisitor will have powers to inspect her fellow educatorsand make sure that they are coming up to scratch. Professor Umbridge hasbeen offered this position in addition to her own teaching post, and we aredelighted to say that she has accepted.' 

"The Ministry's new moves have received enthusiastic support fromparents of students at Hogwarts." 'I feel much easier in my mind now that I know that Dumbledore isbeing subjected to fair and objective evaluation,' said Mr. Lucius Malfoy,41, speaking from his Wiltshire mansion last night. 'Many of us with ourchildren's best interests at heart have been concerned about some of Dumbledore's eccentric decisions in the last few years and will be glad toknow that the Ministry is keeping an eye on the situation.' 

We all turned to Draco, who was listening with a grim expression on his face. "Damn it" he mumbled "I never--oh don't stop, Ems."

"Among those 'eccentric decisions' are undoubtedly the controversialstaff appointments previously described in this newspaper, which have included the hiring of werewolf Remus Lupin, half giant Rubeus Hagrid,and delusional ex-Auror 'Mad-Eye' Moody. 

"Rumors abound, of course, that Albus Dumbledore, once SupremeMugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and ChiefWarlock of the Wizengamot, is no longer up to the task of managing theprestigious school of Hogwarts.