Emma Potter; Going to War

52: That One Fear. . .

"He hasn't gone!"I yelled.

 I did not believe it, I would not believe it; still I fought Lupin with every bit of strength I had: Lupin did not understand, people hid behind that curtain, I had heard them whisperingthe first time I had entered the room — Sirius was hiding, simplylurking out of sight — 

"SIRIUS!" Harry bellowed, "SIRIUS!" 

"Harry. .he's gone" said Kingsley

"NO!" I yelled, tears in my voice "NO, HE ISN'T."

"He can't come back, Emma," said Lupin, his voice breaking as hestruggled to contain me. "He can't come back, because he's d —"

 "HE — IS — NOT — DEAD!"I roared. "SIRIUS!" 

There was movement going on around us, pointless bustling,the flashes of more spells. To me, it was meaningless noise, the deflected curses flying past us did not matter, nothing mattered except that Lupin stop pretending that Sirius, who was standing feetfrom us behind that old curtain, was not going to emerge at anymoment, shaking back his dark hair and eager to reenter the battle — 

Lupin and Kingsley dragged Harry and me away from the dais, We were still staring at thearchway, angry at Sirius now for keeping us waiting —

But some part of me realized, even as I fought to break free fromLupin, that Sirius had never kept us waiting before. . . . Sirius hadrisked everything, always, to see Harry and me, to help us. . . . If Sirius wasnot reappearing out of that archway when Harry and I were yelling for himas though our lives depended on it, the only possible explanation wasthat he could not come back. . . . That he really was . . .

 Dumbledore had most of the remaining Death Eaters grouped inthe middle of the room, seemingly immobilized by invisible ropes.Mad-Eye Moody had crawled across the room to where Tonks lay andwas attempting to revive her. Behind the dais there were still flashes oflight, grunts, and cries — Kingsley had run forward to continue Sirius's duel with Bellatrix. Harry was left standing, limp on the floor

"Harry?"Neville had slid down the stone benches one by one to the placewhere Harry and I stood. I was no longer struggling against Lupin,who maintained a precautionary grip on my arm nevertheless. 

"Harry . . .Ebba. . . I'b really sorry. . . ." said Neville. His legs were stilldancing uncontrollably. "Was dat man — was Sirius Black a — afriend of yours?" 

Harry and I nodded numbly.

 "Here," said Lupin quietly, and pointing his wand at Neville's legshe said, "Finite." The spell was lifted. Neville's legs fell back onto thefloor and remained still. Lupin's face was pale. "Let's — let's find theothers. Where are they all, Neville?"

 Lupin turned away from the archway as he spoke. It sounded asthough every word was causing him pain. I get it, or I think I did. I had not found enough strength, or breath to talk yet.

 "Dey're all back dere," said Neville. "A brain addacked Ron bud Idink he's all righd — and Anderson's unconscious, bud we could feela bulse —" 

There was a loud bang and a yell from behind the dais. I sawKingsley, yelling in pain, hit the ground. Bellatrix Lestrange turned tail and ran as Dumbledore whipped around. Harry aimed a spell at herbut she deflected it. She was halfway up the steps now — 

"Harry, you. . .EMMA — no!" cried Lupin, but I had already ripped my armfrom Lupin's slackened grip. 

"SHE KILLED SIRIUS!"I yelled, hot tears of anger prickling my eyes. "SHE KILLED HIM— I'LL KILL HER!" 

And I was off, scrambling up the stone benches. People wereshouting behind me but I did not care, Harry was behind me. The hem of Bellatrix's robeswhipped out of sight ahead and they were back in the room where thebrains were swimming. . . .