Love is Suicidal [Completed]

chapter: fifty three

Another few days past.

New years came and went in a blink of an eye. We all celebrated it as a family, watching the ball drop and staying up until midnight.

Mom and dad had wine, Eli and Naomi kissed and I was left sitting with some coffee in my hands as everyone else around me was doing something.

The last week has been a blur and nothing exciting happened.

Kris and I have been having out more. It's been fun and I enjoyed spending time with him more than I thought.

Belle was in jail and away from me.

All bad things were gone and over with as far as I can see.

But I haven't heard anything from River in over a week.

Ever since that day, I haven't seen her at El Placer, Instagram or around town. I wasn't sure what was going on but I never tried looking for her.

I sat in silence by myself, realizing that the last two months has been heartaches and hurt- nonstop. I never knew a human being could cause so much damage to another human's heart but that all changed since I met River.

Stepping out of reality for a moment and away from her as opened my eyes more. I noticed things differently and I didn't feel like I was falling down a hole with no end.

But even though I had all this time alone, constantly thinking about River in so many ways, I realized something else.

I was in love with her.

And I cried once I realized that.

I cried so hard I couldn't breathe.

Laying face down in my pillow, sobbing my heart out as my heart ached- at the same time it was hurting- for River.

With my heart aching and screaming for her, I messaged her. I messaged her something that I never knew I would ever message someone.

I told her everything and how I felt. Knowing that she didn't feel the same and maybe she did- but I'd never know.

I wrote her what came from the heart and nothing but the truth was written there.

It was hard and I was hurt more than I've ever known.

But I had to keep pushing through and get through the days, not knowing what was going to happen tomorrow or next week.

I had to move on.

-

"Happy Birthday!"

I woke up to yelling and when I opened my eyes, I saw mom and dad standing in my room with a birthday cake. I smiled before sitting up and rubbing my eyes as mom sat the cake, that was on a tray, in my lap.

After they sung, they told me to blow out my candles. "Before you do," Dad stopped me. "make a wish."

Looking at them, I look back at the cake and thought about what I really wanted for my birthday. One wish that could possibly never come true but I closed my eyes and wished for it anyways.

I blew my candles out and they both clapped before Eli walks in with a present wrapped up. I watch as he smiled before setting the box on the bed and looking at me. "Happy Birthday, Jess."

"Happy Happy Birthday!" I heard someone say then saw Naomi walk. She smiled at me before rushing to me and pulling me into a hug.

When she pulls back, I look around at everyone before smiling. "Thanks."

"Open your present." Eli said.

Mom slapped his arm. "No, we eat cake and ice cream downstairs before any gift opening!"