Love is Suicidal [Completed]

chapter: thirty seven

Issues by Lund^

A few days went by and I was in a constant state of denial.

My mind and heart was at war; screaming and fighting each other. I was caught in the middle trying to figure out which side to take.

Sleep wasn't my friend for a few days. I had constant dreams about River. Over and over again.

I would wake up and think it was real, but realize it was only a dream. It felt real and I was on the edge of breaking down completely.

I wish I could get over this. I really do but knowing it's not going to happen anytime soon just makes me want to scream.

Going back to work was a little hard. I would try and act like everything was ok when it wasn't. I wouldn't show any signs that a woman is constantly ripping my heart out and throwing my body in a pit of fire.

But I couldn't hold it together for long.

When I was at Jordan's house, I was wiping down a table and I must have zoned out cause I was cleaning the same spot for the last twenty minutes without realizing it until Jordan came in and snapped me back to reality.

Trying to play it cool, I told her that I must have zoned out. I knew she wasn't buying it cause she was just looking at me with the same expression my mom and dad has been giving me for the last few days.

They knew something was wrong cause they asked a few times and kept checking on me throughout the day when I would go into my room and lay there.

Eli was home a lot lately and even though he said it had nothing to do with me, I knew it did. He knew why I was acting like this and I could tell he was worried about me.

But he had nothing to worry about. I was totally fine and going to work was helping me clear my head and forget about what happened.

"You ok?"

I stopped sweeping before seeing Micah walk in. She had a bag of groceries as she sat them on the counter and was looking at me the whole time.

Looking down at the floor, I noticed I was sweeping the same spot without sweeping around it. I look at her then nod. "Yeah, sorry."

"You've been doing that a lot." She said.

I look at her as I was sweeping. "Doing what?"

"Zoning out. Cameron caught you the other day and said something to me about it. I didn't believe you but she caught you again then I caught you."

Shrugging, I kept sweeping as she was putting groceries away. "Just thinking."

"About what?" She asks. I shrug as I kept sweeping then looked over at her as she was looking at me. "Does any of this have to do with that woman you told me about?"

She slightly smiled as she caught onto why I was acting like this. I only shrugged before sweeping and avoiding eye contact.

"Jesse, I can see right through you."

I sighed before looking at her. "Maybe. I don't know."

"You do know. It's about her, right?"

"Yeah."

She chuckles before crossing her arms. "So, what's going on now?"

Looking at her, I shook my head. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Elaborate?"

After I swept the dirt up, I threw it away then placed the broom up. "I told her I liked her. Then she personally told me to stay away from her."